Day 280 The Perfect Mom Project

Todays photo is us at Ashleigh's 2006 college graduation...VERY proud moment!!

Last night there was a bonfire at a neighbor's home attended by friends who have all recently entered the empty nest phase of their lives. All their children have finished high school and some of their children are attending college, some are starting college and one has a child that has finished college. As they talked we laughed a little at what it is like to have your kids come back home after being away at college. I always felt like such a mean Mom when Ashleigh would come home for the summer from college. I would have to integrate her back into the family dynamic, which I know she found very distasteful. To go from total independence to having to tell Mom and Dad where you are going and when you will be back is not an easy thing to do.

 I remember one summer when Ashleigh was out very late, so late it was actually early morning and only an hour before Mark had to get up for work. I got up poked around the house and realized she was still out and I started to panic. I woke Mark and told him how worried I was and we laid there wondering if we should be mad or worried. I literally lay in bed writing her eulogy in my head. "She loved to dance; she was a happy spirit that laughed easily. She died young and we are very sad…" Suddenly we heard a car door close outside, and the front door open, and off to bed she went. Then we just laid there mad. Now what? How do you tell an adult young woman to please call her Mommy and Daddy and let them know you're safe and when you will be home?

 Well, it goes like this. "Good morning Ashleigh, how did you sleep? Listen, I spent some time in the early hours of this morning writing your eulogy, and I would prefer not to have to do that again, so if you could give us some idea what you are up to when you are staying at home, I would appreciate it! Short and sweet, a slight bit of humor and we were done. I wish I could say that everything went smoothly like that when she was home, but it did not. There were other challenges throughout her foray of coming back home during college, but we worked through them, some more easily than others.

 I am not sure how it will be when my younger children get to that point, but I am sure that I will have some great bonfire stories of my own too share. Growing up is not easy for the kids or the parents, but it has to be done. Speaking for myself, there are days I know that I have not quite grown up yet. It's no big deal, because I always have one of my kids around to say "OH MY GOSH MOM, WHAT are you dooooooing? There is the time I had Ashleigh push me to the car as I stood on the front of the grocery cart and yelled WEEEEEEEE! There are also the times I have grabbed my girls and forced them to dance with me, spinning and dipping all over the living room and kitchen.

 Perhaps growing up is a little overrated? One thing is for sure, when the kids come home from college the dynamic has changed and adjustments must be made by everyone. It's not easy for the kids, but it is much harder on the parents, who are trying so hard to let go and then they get sucked back into the whole parenting job all over again when the kids come home for summer. I guess the best we can do as parents is laugh at ourselves and our kids. Life is constantly playing tricks on us, so we might as well enjoy ourselves while we can. Maybe I will host the next gathering of parents of grown children, it is fun and you learn a lot too!