Day 252 The Perfect Mom Project

I sit here praying my Dad will release himself into God's hands. We received a call at about 3:00 AM; the pneumonia has spread into my Dad's bloodstream. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain he has been in. I want to reach out to my sisters, but I know that right now they are focused on my Dad. All we can do now is wait.

 I told my youngest girls yesterday that their Papa was going to leave us soon, and they began to cry. It has been a difficult year for all of us having lost my Mom last year on May 22. We have been in life's blender for almost a year now and it does not seem that it is going to stop anytime soon. I have to be prepared for what might come in the next few hours. I also need to prepare for my youngest daughters 14^th birthday tomorrow. We have invited Mark's parents to come for dinner and help us celebrate Avery's birthday. I am glad they will be there to help keep us focused on the positive.

 I remember when my mom died, the very next day I had to go to the grocery store. I remember feeling like I should stop each person there and tell them that my Mom had died. It felt like the whole world should know what happened. It just seemed so wrong and inappropriate that I was grocery shopping, and yet life had to go on. I have to give Avery the birthday that she has been looking forward to. There is a cake to bake and gifts to wrap and a life to encourage and celebrate, and all while we wait for my Dad to be wrapped in Gods arms and carried home.

 God's gift will be to keep going, to begin the work of mourning and remembering. We will look back and laugh and cry at past memories and begin the process of healing all over again. The hurt and sadness of all the wrongs will need to be set aside. But for now I will pray for my Dad to reach out and take God's hand.