Please note…the author thought she had posted this. Oh well, better late than never!
This morning as I sit contemplating what to write, I continue my morning ritual of shouting out the time to my youngest, Avery. It seems crazy to do this, she has a clock in her room, yet she is usually sitting in her room reading or day dreaming and not actually getting ready for the day. My frustration level ski rockets! There are only about 14 days of school left and I am still mothering my little chick, trying to keep her on track and get her out the door to school. Next year she will be in high school and that is very hard for me to imagine. Maybe she grew up too fast and skipped some tiny details.
Avery and I are in the middle of the "I want to grow up, let me go" dance right now. We seem to be bumping heads and annoying each other more than usual. Just yesterday we went as family for ice cream after dinner. We were at one of those places where they mix what you want into the ice cream as you wait, and it was Avery's turn to order. She was overwhelmed by all the choices and I was trying to help her and she was flipping out. Once she placed her order I knew that she would end up throwing half of it out, because she was having buyer's remorse over her choice. She looked right at me and said, "This would not have happened if you had helped me." I was so aggravated! I wanted to say, "Listen…you are 14, get it together!" In another 4 years, Avery will be released into the world like a butterfly out of a cocoon. At what point does she start thinking through what time it is and when to be ready, or even what kind of ice cream she wants.
Now, I sit here wondering if I have over mothered my youngest. Have I "helped" her so much that she now cannot help herself? Is it possible to reverse the effects of over mothering? I remember when she was little and Mark and I talked about how we had to have the same standards for all of our girls. We could not have one expectation for one of them and not for all, but maybe that is not realistic. There are such distinct differences between each of them that perhaps we have to just have a sliding standard scale. However if we start that what might slide by? My gut tells me to keep plugging away at this. I know that Avery is a creative spirit with a good heart. All of her friend's Moms tell me that Avery is the "Voice of reason" within her friend circle. She is the girl that convinces friends to make up when they fight and she is also the one who tends to stay away from the middle school dramas. Here at home however, we have the mother/daughter drama to make up for what she misses with her friends.
I know it will all disappear off the growing up radar when she is twenty something and on her own. All Mark and I can do is, hand her the tools for her life, she is the one doing the building. Years ago when I was faced with two babies in diapers at the same time, and I was longing to have the girls potty trained my Mother-in-law shared some wisdom with me, she said "You know they will not walk down the aisle at their wedding in diapers". I took this to mean, it takes time, but it will happen. I think I will use this piece of advice here also, let's face it, pretty soon she will have to make her own way and I will not be around to yell, "Its 7:45, we have to get in the car for the carpool" she will have to work out all the details on her own.
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