265 days of writing, that means that I only have 100 more until my year is up, and what a year it has been so far! Each day another shot at getting this whole mom thing right. I have climbed many mountains and forded (weird word) many streams and I am still hoping to find my dream of being the perfect mom. Today, I will teach my children how to show grace when it is most difficult. That is a whole new chapter in my mothering project.
We will be heading towards the memorial for my dad in about 3 hours. The woman that he married will not be there, but I guess her mother is coming in her place. I plan to greet her politely, but other than that, I have nothing to offer her. She and her family have known my Dad for a little over a year, and even though he felt there was a bond there, I do not. I have also told all three of my girls that we must be cordial and polite, but we do not need to hug her or talk with her. We will do what we need to show respect to her as a person.
At one point during our visit at Thanksgiving last year it was pointed out that "the Woman" and her mother took care of my Mom. If all the other events that proceeded their care giving were not there, I might feel more compelled to extend more kindness, but what I have seen in the last few months makes me believe that this family just climbed on what they thought was a gravy train. On top of that, if it is possible, I have even less respect for "the Woman" now that she has decided she cannot come up for my Dads memorial service. She apparently is struggling with anxiety, has not been eating and she is uncomfortable.
- Welcome to the last year of my life
- She knows she has no relationships with our family which would happen in a slowly progressed, appropriate relationship
- Life is tough, but you put on your big girl panties and deal with it
- I feel that in no time, her true colors will emerge even more, oh wait, I think they are already showing!
My sister told me yesterday that this whole thing has been like a rollercoaster, and I assured her that I am going to ride this with my arms up. I know I will have friends and family there as support today, but most of all I will be there as a Mom and a daughter. I want my children to see that in spite of the hurt and sadness, we must turn the other cheek and move forward. It is time to head towards healing. There are still details to unwrap of the financial mess my dad has left behind, but for today we will honor his memory and show respect. This will be a great mothering moment.
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