Operation Tire Retread

I am in transition. My maternal job is slowing down and I am starting to feel a little like you do when you are pedaling a bike so slow that you tip over. I am trying to keep my balance but the honest truth is that we all know it’s time for me to try some new things and reinvent this mothering wheel before it tips over or goes flat.

In the last few weeks I have started working towards Operation Tire Retread. I have signed on as a poll worker for the elections. I have been offered the opportunity to assist a friend with a weekend conference she is working on and yesterday I interviewed for a job as a replenishment worker at a local craft store. This job has many things good about it that make it just right for right now. Its early morning and done by ten or eleven in the morning no more than three days a week but mostly one day. I am responsible to unpack boxes and stock shelves and occasionally help a customer with a question if I cross paths with one. I like the idea of this not being a job I will have to be stressed about. It’s putting stuff where it goes which I do at home all the time. How bad can it be?

Of course there will be the interaction with new people which is always fun for me and the chance to make a new friend or acquaintance which I consider a plus but mainly it seems like a job with limited hours and limited stress. This job gets me out of the house and keeps me from obsessing too much about my maternal bike slowing and me falling off. Basically I am trying to retrain my focus in a new direction. It does not hurt that I will be making a little cash too. This job is not going to get me on the cover of Forbes or Fortune 500 but it will give me a little bit of cash to perhaps pay off some college debt or buy a cute pair of random shoes just because I want them.

Over all I do not want to reinvent the maternal wheel just retread it a little. I need to shake it up over here and keep my bike up and running and the best way to do that is try something new so that is what I am going to do. So let the transitions begin!

Learning to be Silent

I am at the point in my child rearing where I must learn to be silent. I have dropped my second of three girls at college over the weekend and I found myself biting my tongue and voicing my concerns in question form to avoid making a frontal attack, things like “Do you need my help?” That’s interesting, is that a new way of doing things?”  My all time favorite was to my middle daughter when we were on our way to drop her at college; it went like this, “So…what is your expectation for how today should go?” I thought it best to work within her plan so that when I left her there she would be thinking nice things about me.

My job is phasing out…the mothering and maternal teaching phase is pretty much over. Sure I still have my youngest here at home for another two years but she is pretty much already kicking the gate ready to bolt. In my quest to be loving and understanding to my youngest after dropping her sister at college, I did my best to be dotting and loving only to have it thrown back in my face when my youngest said to me, “MOM, ever since we dropped Aly off at school you have been talking to me like I am three year old!” Mind you the ever since part was less than twenty four hours, that is barely enough time to do any real damage to her, so now I have taken the direct approach and she will just have to live with it. I still have two years with her, so I am not fully invested in being silent with her yet anyway.

As for the other two, I am struggling to be there as a Mom and not verbalize my concerns about decisions and choices they might be making. Even in question form some things are just too hard to talk about with your children. You see your kids making choices that you recognize as old pattern behaviors that have caused them trouble in the past and there is nothing you can do. You stand there thinking NOOOOOOOO and you say “Oh really, wow!” out loud. Let’s face it they really do not care if we agree, if they want to do something they are going do it period end of story.

The truth that we Mom’s do not learn until we are Mom’s is that you never stop worrying. You never stop wondering if you did the right thing with your kids and finally once you reach a certain point in raising them, they only learn from driving their own lives. Well at least you hope they learn there are some that are determined to slam into the same wall over and over again. I have decided that my energy is better spent worrying about me. I have enough going on that a little time and attention towards me sounds like a great plan. I am sure that I will step into trouble and say the wrong thing but over all I am fully committed to learning to be silent.

Letting Go Again

Well, the deed is done, last night I paid my first tuition bill in over ten years. Having a ten year difference between my oldest and middle daughter has always been a challenge. Back when Aly was born I had a tough time readjusting to the diapers and late night feedings actually most of the baby firsts were tougher the second time around 10 years later. Now I am faced with letting go and giving my daughters health and well being to a college three hours away all over again and I am finding that it is tougher the second time around.

The first time I sent my oldest to college I found that having my two youngest still at home kept me occupied and focused. This time around I am pretty sure my youngest is not going to appreciate me remaining focused completely on her. Somehow instead of just letting go of one daughter, I am going to have to let go of two. This is not to say that I will be hands off with my youngest, but I will be aware that she does not need me as much as she did when she six.

We are five days away from move in day and there are last minute items to purchase so that transition to college will be somewhat seamless. I find that Aly is packing as if she is going across country on a wagon train, never to see civilization again. As much as I explain to her that there are stores near her campus, she is determined to have a large quantity of everything with her when she arrives for move in. I am certain that some of these things will end up in my car heading back home.

In the end it comes down to letting go and trusting that my hands on full out mother phase is coming to an end and the guiding and suggestion phase is beginning…I am as shocked as you that I could say that with a straight face. Obviously, I am far too much of a Mom to give this all up cold turkey and there will be a good amount of hit and miss action before I find my comfort zone with my daughters new life.

While I will be less hands on I cannot give up who I am without a fight. Letting go does not mean STOPPING, it means gradually releasing and that is what I intend to do. Mothering is and has been my favorite career. I cannot say that I am good at it, but I like it and I try hard to do well. These are traits you look for in a good employee.

I am not being fired from mothering, I am just phasing into a slow retirement. Obviously since one daughter has moved back home retirement will not be on a near horizon, but we are two years away from our youngest heading off to college and I have a feeling that the time is going to fly.

In no time at all I will be quietly sitting on my deck and not hearing the floor creak with the footsteps of my children. I will have the clean house to myself and things will be put away where they belong. That’s when I will have let go. For now, I guess I can over look a few messes and noise. Someday soon this will all just be a memory. The second time around is just as tough as the first when you are letting go and something tells me that with the third one it is not going to get any easier.

Niagara Falls Drive By

Todays post is just a photo of our early morning drive past Niagara Falls on Friday morning. I would love to write more, but I have been sitting here for some time this morning and nothing is pouring out of my fingers on to the page. We had a great trip to Rochester, New York. I was still tired from my week of jamming in as much as I could, so Madam Party Pants kept going to bed at 8:30 every night. These early morning hours are not conducive to late night card games, so I think our hosts probably had one of the more restful visits with us. Hopefully tomorrow I will have my brain back in working order.

No Boy Scout

Dear Reader, this blog was meant to be posted yesterday August 10th. Due to travel and visiting agenda's I failed to post it. I hope to have more for you tomorrow!

So here we are midway through Canada at 8:00 AM on our road trip. You might recall yesterday I mentioned how unprepared I was for this trip and in fairness I need to pass along to you that because of my lack of preparedness, we left a half hour later than we planned. I packed more then I can possibly wear in three days and I have left my computer cord at home which means my writing time is extremely limited.

I am running on a half charged battery today…both my computer and me. In order to get myself charged up I am inserting a HOT cup of Canada’s finest Tim Horton’s coffee into my system. My computer is not as fortunate, it will slowly fade until it has nothing left to give. I remember hearing something about boy scouts always being prepared and having been a girl scout, I cannot even remember what we had going for us other than cookies. There was absolutely no preparedness training for the girl scouts at all.

Actually considering that I was a girl scout in the 1960’s it is possible we were being trained to care for babies and cook proper meals. The preparation part I had picked up on my own over the years and because my whole week was out of whack that flew right out the window.

Tomorrow if I can write fast enough I will share with you my day on Tuesday. Tuesday I worked as an election official at one of our local election precinct. Americans exercising their right to vote and getting feisty with the workers is always a good read, so stay tuned and if I can get it on the computer and out to you before my computer shuts down, we will all have a happy day!

Hopefully, once I explain about Tuesday you might understand why I am still running on empty three days later. In the mean time my husband and youngest daughter who are my travel companions this trip are putting up with my unprepared cranky self. Cranky because I do not like it when I am not prepared. It is a double edged sword and I have fallen on both of the blades this trip. It’s just a half hour and a few extra clothes, but in type A world it can be a very big deal. That being said, I have to get off this thing so that I can share more fun stuff with you tomorrow…lucky you. 

ROAD TRIP!

Tomorrow morning we are hitting the road. As is our travel tradition, we will leave very early in the morning and start heading towards New York state. We will be heading to Rochester, New York for our annual visit with our friends that live there. This has become a highlight to our summer and I am excited. I am looking forward to the road trip, the visiting and the relaxing with friends.

We always drive through Canada to get to Rochester, New York. This is a great way to shorten the distance we have to travel and see Niagara Falls. I look forward to our Niagara Falls drive-by every year. Sadly unless you want to pay $20.00 to park nearby, you are stuck driving slowly down the road gawking out the window.

One year we left on our trip a day early and stayed in Niagara Falls, Canada. This seemed like a fabulous idea since the hotel had a giant water park in it. Our girls had a great time, but I felt like I was stuck in a tourist trap that had a giant money sucker attached. That trip was one of those that had a “glad I went, but I will never go back” lessons attached to it. Needless to say the tradition of driving by the falls began and remains in place to this day.

Normally when we head out of town to visit, I have snacks and food packed to take along as well as special treats for our hosts. This week I have not been on my game and will have to make up for my lack of preparedness with my sparkling personality! I know our friends will not mind that I am empty handed when I arrive, but it still makes me feel bad.

I have to say that I am really struggling with being on top of things lately. I guess my brain is just full and I am going to have to be patient. Once Aly is safely placed at college next weekend, I will have much more open brain space to work with, but in the mean time the rest of the world will have to put up with my less than perfect planning skills. There is also the chance that I am just over being prepared all the time and I have subconsciously joined the people who fly by the seat of their pants.

So, off we go to New York at 5:00 AM tomorrow morning, unprepared, but happy and excited to be going. Our hostess has emailed me to let me know that she is not prepared either, so I am feeling a little better about my lapse in preparation skills. It must be something that is striking busy Mom’s all over the country. Tomorrow, summer gets a little bit better!

No Thumpers Allowed!

The last couple of days I have been sharing my personal and private feelings about my faith. I realize that “religious talk” can put some people off and I want to let you know that while I have a strong faith, I am not fond of the thumpers either. To me a thumper is someone who expounds on something they feel strongly about without allowing room for anyone to get to that place on their own. In my opinion thumpers have the “it’s my way or the highway” way of getting their point across.

I want to let you know that I am not a thumper, I am a quiet faithful person that felt that I could work my way off an emotional ledge by talking (or writing) my way through the emotions I was having at the time. My faith is mine and in sharing my journey I was sharing my heart but in no way was I attempting to thump my faith feelings on you.

We all have a journey to follow and we all get where we need to be. My faith and how I believe may not be right for you, and that is okay with me. I will still like you just the same, as long as you are kind and caring. I also expect you to be nice. I will also say that if you are not a nice person, you should find another blog to follow, because I cannot tolerate mean people. In fairness I have my bad days and I have said a mean thing (or three) from time to time, but I am not an overall mean person.

What I am trying to say is that as I wrote about God these last couple of days and sometimes in the past, I am talking about my faith, which I came to in my own way and in my own time. I do not believe it is my job to make you believe anything or thump about religion or faith. You will come to your own faith and belief in your own time. I am only sharing with you my own safe place to fall, in hopes that if you are searching that you might find what you need there. If not, that is ok, stay the nice person that you are and we will continue to be friends…you the reader and me the writer just plugging along making our way through our lives with no thumping involved.

Lunch Date

Have you ever seen a flower bloom in the late winter? The flower pops its head up out of the snow and bursts open with the same excitement it would have on a warm sunny day. It petals wide open and you can almost hear it yelling, “I’m HERE! Not much longer until spring!” that one little burst of color and the surprise of having the flower appear in the winter make the difference in getting through one more snowy day or month. You have hope.

Yesterday I had my flower bloom in the form of two old friends, my Aunt Nina’s aide, Anna, who cared for Aunt Nina until she died in 2011 and my Aunt’s best friend of over 40 years, Nancy. I met them for lunch with my girlfriend Pam and we had a great visit. It was nice to spend time with them and hear how they were doing. In my heart I knew Aunt Nina was watching and proud that we were all together.

This short visit helped me refocus my attention on what is really important…people. The relationships that we have with the people in our lives, is going to carry us longer and farther than any money in the world. These two women have worked hard in this last year to stay in touch with me. They have called and checked in periodically to make sure all was well and when I was not in touch as often as they hoped they would call again. These two women have invested in me and I in return have learned a lesson and will invest in them as well.

I do not share deep issues with them and I try not to burden them with things that might weigh heavily on me, but I have learned that if I needed to share, Anna and Nancy would listen and if I needed help they would offer it. Their friendship along with the friendships of all of the wonderful women I know are what God sends to me as my army of strength and I know now that this gift is greater than any money, worry or person with ill intent.

Yesterday a flower bloomed in my heart and today I have hope that things are not always as bad as they seem and when they are I have an army available to me. I know this because out of the blue this morning another friend and warrior emailed me offering her support and suggesting we meet for coffee. Another bloom that has poked out of the cold and yelling “I’m HERE!” to remind me that I am not alone and that my faith is my strength. I just need to have the strength to reach out to my army if I need them and let go of the struggle so that I see the blossom when it pokes out its head as I now know it will. I also want to thank every one of my warriors, (you know who you are) for always being there and loving me even when I make it hard to do

Anna, Pam, Me and Nancy on our lunch date...gotta love these women!

I GIVE!!

I remember when I was younger and I would be playing a game outside with my friends, something like tag, where you were chased and hunted until the pursuer caught you and then you were “it”. I also remember my heart pounding and the anxiety of trying to get away from the person who was “it”. Nobody wanted to be the poor sucker that everyone ran away from. Well, lately I have been in my own game of tag being chased and antagonized once again by someone involved in the estate mess left by my Dad (or Stepdad and most recently I have taken to just using his first name…Glenn) and the anxiety and stress is all flooding back.

One of our sisters (again, I use this term loosely because there has never really been a sister relationship) has hired an attorney and has started requesting documentation of all of my other sisters and my activity since becoming executors for my Mom’s estate. Apparently the axe grinding will continue until she has driven us completely mad. I have spent the last three days, since I learned of all of this, stomping around with a gullet full of anxiety and hostility. This behavior is not conducive to living a calm and happy life and it is also not fitting in with my plan to get this estate resolved and move on.

This money has been a monkey on my back for years, starting with how it came into my Mom’s possession and continuing with how my Dad handled her affairs after she died and even some of his conniving when she was alive. I had hoped that once we resolved all the issues with Glenn’s (Dad, Stepdad) widow and the estate we might be able to finally disperse the green evil and be done. But now because childhood issues between siblings has reared its ugly head and one person believes whatever it is she believes, I feel like throwing my hands in the air and yelling, I GIVE!!

Here are the facts as I see them:

This money was my Moms

She shared this money unwisely with her husband Glenn and took his advice in how to hurt and scar other members of her family so that she would inherit all of her parent’s estate and not have to share.

They prepared a trust for when they died, to disperse all of the money remaining to all of their children equally.

Glenn (Dad, Stepdad) dissolved his portion of the trust and gave his portion to his new widow (Woman he hired to care for my ailing mother that he had known about a year and married 8 months after my Mom died) who then inherited this money four months after their wedding when my dad Glenn died.

We (My other sister/co executor) and I have been fighting with said widow for two years to recoup what is rightfully ours

Finally, this is my Mom and I will do whatever it takes to honor her and make sure her wishes are honored as well. No one wants to cheat or be cheated in this. We merely want this resolved and over

Now when we are very close to finally being done, in walks the new person who will be “it” in this game of emotional brutality started by people (our parents) that thought only of themselves. I wish I could just say “I give!” and then walk away. I wish I could abandon ship and say “listen, you want this mess here have it!” But I cannot, I have to see this through and make it right so that everyone can rest in peace, including me.

I have learned from this that money is not the root of evil, people are. People wanting power, people wanting more than they have more quickly then they deserve and people with no ability for care or concern of others, have dark and snake like roots in evil.

So today I will say “I GIVE!”, but it will not be to evil, but to God. I will give this to him and trust that he will hold this stress and pain and carry the burden for me. I am not able to understand the complex reasons behind this new “it” person and their chase. I can only hand this off and release control so that His arms can gather this up and help me be what I need to be in this. This is not a game and I cannot run, I must stand here and make all of this right and hopefully end this glutinous money grab that this money and it’s people began over twenty years ago.