So getting my youngest off to college has been…let’s see…the most freaking frustrating thing I have ever been through. I feel like I am trying to push a sock through a strainer! My baby girl is a sweet, loving caring person who has decided that I am Satan’s spawn and I have been put on this earth to give her ridiculous advice and boss her around in an “overbearing” way. I “yell at her about things that don’t matter” and I need to stop worrying about everything.
So here are the things that I “yell” about “all the time”.
The bedroom: All I can say is GROSS, how does she live like that? She is a bright girl with OCD germaphobe tendencies, but when she walks into her room apparently there is some cleansing rays in the door because all the things that she worries about everywhere else don’t matter here.
Packing for college: This is a pile in my basement that has no order at all. The pile started in her room, but we had to rescue the stuff before it became part of the grossness. I keep stressing about having to carry all this stuff into her dorm in large clumps rather than neat orderly boxes with her room number on them and a general description of what is in them. It’s a problem I have obviously, something I need to “get over”.
I have gone from a knowledgeable supportive mother to an overbearing, obsessive lunatic who rants on and on about cleaning and packing and being prepared. It is an ugly trait that I am not proud of. I wish I could be one of those, go with the flow, carefree mothers that knows that her child will figure it out in their own way, but the selfish narcissist in me starts screaming in my head reminding me that if things are not done in a certain way, I will be running around catching all the balls that are dropping an hour before we have to pack the car to drive our “baby” to college!
I know I am not overbearing, but when I hear my daughter call me that it gives me pause. I start over analyzing myself and basically checking myself out in my head. I think through every conversation to see where I went wrong and wondering why I am taking the heat for the pot being stirred while my daughter stands there in her garbage dump pointing at me yelling “MOM STOP I’VE GOT THIS!”
I am obviously misunderstood.
Somewhere in the middle of this is the truth, but right now I am taking the heat for being the problem and for the most part screaming in my head. Other times I snarp at my husband wondering how he got coated in Teflon and is absolved of any wrong doing and then I realize he says nothing about any of it and becomes a rollie pollie and hides his head when my daughter and I start to go at it. How is a good hearted, well meaning mother ever going to be recognized for all her best of intentions when no one realizes what a good person she really is!
All I can do is to continue to be overbearing, insist on all the items that we will be transporting are in containers (using the boxes that I brought home) and nag and “yell” my daughter through the strainer and out the door. It’s a good solid plan that has failed miserably so far, but it is all I’ve got the strength for since we are a week away from move in and a month away from being packed. One day I hope my daughter will thank me for helping her be prepared, but right now it is not looking like that will ever happen. I will just have to keep most of my concerns to myself and scream in my head with the hope that my eyes don’t pop out from the pressure.
A final note: As I reviewed my writing this morning, I realize I said WE are a week away and WE have a month of packing and I had an Ah Ha moment. WE are not going to college SHE is and if I put the weight of what she does not remember to pack or take with her on HER and stop carrying it on my back maybe I could relax a little and stop yelling. Something to think about…