It is new day, the sun is shining the birds are singing and I am trying to pull myself out of this slump. I am smack in the middle of the week that my Mom died and Dads memorial service. My Mom died May 22nd and Dads service was last Saturday. Welcome to Wednesday. This whole year was one unbelievable tale after another. I just want this story to end. I had planned on spending May 22nd remembering my Mom and possibly doing something with her ashes, but now I am thinking I will wait. I am not sure I can take that on this week.
My phone rang yesterday, and it was my sister Kelie, as we talked it was clear we are thinking very differently about many things including the items that remain in the house (in New Orleans) that belonged to my family before my Mom married my Dad. I will not go into the whole conversation, because it is very sad to think about let alone talk about. I do have to chuckle a little to myself at the fact that many times my Mom tried to give me some of those things, and I told her that there was plenty of time for that, thinking that I wanted her to have all of her things around her that she could since she lost so much in Hurricane Katrina.
Now, I just have to release my expectation about how any of this will play out, because there are so many different people and personalities in the mix that it is certain to get ugly, and I do not want to be a part of any of that. Mark has suggested to me that I just put all of this to rest and move on. That is exactly what I was trying to do 269 days ago when I started this project. If I do not get moving back to where I was, I will have to start a new project when this one ends. Something like the How Not to Go Insane Project, or the My Families Nuts and I Don't Want to Be Project. For now, I will put my nose to the grindstone and get myself out of this giant whole of sadness and self pity.
As I visited with my Aunt Nina the other day she snapped at me for using the words "My Dad". "I do not like it when you call him Dad, he was not your Dad!" my Aunt said to me. Honestly, I, to this day know that he only adopted me so that the dividing of the will would be fair and square for all of us, (his three girls and me). The sad part is after all of his stupid decisions last fall; I do not believe he even knew what fair was. Mark is right, I have to let this go and just get back to my real life.
That should be easy today. Avery is snarling at me because I asked her to help me out this morning and take out the dog, HELLO reality! I am also meeting some good friends for breakfast and my travel buddies have plans to meet this afternoon for coffee, a full day of friendship that will end with dinner with Mark's parents and Aly's final vocal concert of the year. I think I am jumping into reality with both feet today, Bring it on!
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