Tonight we have a soccer game and tomorrow night is Avery's final choir concert, so today I am recharging my battery, so that I can move through those events feeling refreshed and relaxed. The end of the school year is always crazy. For the last four years May has been a very busy time of year. It all started four years ago when I had to have surgery in May that required a six week recovery. The following year in May, my oldest daughter Ashleigh got married and two weeks later Mark had to have emergency Angioplasty on his heart. Then last year after two months of travel to New Orleans and back home, my Mom died. Flash forward to May of this year and my Dad died. Mix in the entire end of the school year stuff and I am lucky I am not curled up in a corner somewhere.
Yesterday brought more news, issues about my Dad and the mess he has left behind for all of us and also word that my Aunt Nina is now depressed. Her Aide called to tell me that and that my Aunt has said that the card party at her home was none of my business. Well, I think differently and I guess it is time to have a talk about this. Mark and I have faithfully cared for her for the last four years and have asked for nothing. We have helped her with her bills her home and her life. We have moved her into nursing homes and back home again. We have stood by her in the hospital and arranged for her care and well being with home care companies, doctors and friends. Now she makes a choice to open up her home and like it or not, it does affect us, because if something had gone wrong, who would have handled it? Not her, she is in a senior community, because she cannot walk or see and can barely hear.
As far as the issues with my Dad, let's just say that all of the things that my sisters and I were worried might happen if he changed things from the way they were, are starting to happen. I have watched my Mom's family get yanked apart over money, and now I just want to stay as far away from the hurt that this will indeed cause all of us. I have worried for months that his choices would leave a tsunami of problems, and now I am watching as the ripples are starting to hit our lives. There is nowhere to run from this.
I guess May is my month of challenge. I have read that when you have surgery or a death in your life it is traumatic. It can take years to recover emotionally. I feel like it is time to start the recovery from just my life alone. I cannot let these two people (My Dad and my Aunt) take my life over. My younger girls still need me; there are soccer games and eye appointments, concerts and honors nights. There are before school rides and after school rides and much more and I want to enjoy this time with them while I can. My husband needs me; we are in love and we have a life together that we cherish. We have many plans for our home and our life and we need to focus on them.
Today, I am thankful for my sanctuary. From my perch I am able to see, hear and feel the beauty of nature. I can recharge my body's battery and scrub out the clutter in my mind and for just a few minutes, there is peace in my world. It is just me, the deck, the sun and my dog all plugged into natures charger and May is just another month in the year.
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