The phone rang around 10:00PM last night with the news that the woman my Dad had married has decided not to come to his memorial now, because it will be too uncomfortable. Instead her Mom might come in her place. That seems odd to me, but nothing has been ordinary in a long time. It has relieved a small amount of stress for me knowing that I will not have to go toe to toe with her. However, I still have to go to this memorial; I do not get to opt out because of my discomfort.
I have watched the choices that my Dad has made over the last year (based on his relationship with this woman) rip my family apart. He disrespected his wife (my Mom) before she died by stepping into the relationship with this woman and he continued the year by making financial choices that were hurtful and disrespectful to my now dead Mom and iced the pain cake by marrying this woman that he was in relationship with, four months before he died. Now we are all here looking out onto this battlefield full of wreckage, family relationships ruined or strained, distrust and hurt everywhere, family heirlooms and pictures tossed like trash. I just want it all to end, and at least for now there is no end in sight. Somehow we have to find a way to get through all of this including tomorrows memorial service for my Dad, no matter how uncomfortable it is.
Is it possible that he was not in his right mind? How could he have believed that he was so wonderful and deserved so much happiness, that he could hurt the children he created so badly that they will be scarred for life? How could he give away heirlooms from my grandparents, to people I do not even know, and then be angry with me, because I chose to take items that had emotional value without showing them to him for approval. To me the biggest question will always be how could you treat your children with such disrespect? How could you possibly think that you deserved happiness anymore than the rest of us? If that was his right mind, than he was crazy from the start and now I find myself sifting through the last 28 years with him, looking at all of the damage that he has done.
The flipside of all of this is that somehow I have married a wonderful supportive and caring man. I have three beautiful daughters who I love with all of my heart and I live a great life. I want to get back to what my normal is and I also want to be the person I was a year ago when all of this started. I am hoping that the journey back will not be long. There is also a part of me that hopes that tomorrow's memorial service is healing. Taking the time to sit with family and friends and hear good heartfelt stories about my Dad, stories about who he once was and not who he became may help us reflect more easily on him. Only time can heal all of us now, Dad is gone, my Mom is gone and life for us here must go on.
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