Day 262 The Perfect Mom Project

Yesterday was another day of just being a Mom. As I sent Avery off to school we already had a plan in place for her to go to the doctor. She has not felt well the last few days, and with this being the end of the year, she needs to be on her game and ready for all the final tests. She did not want to miss her first hour class, so I asked her to call me after the class and I would let her know what time the appointment was and when I would pick her up. I was able to make the appointment for after school, so I let her know that and we hung up. Later, she called me back and told me she could not hold out till after school, would I come and get her, so that is what I did.

 Now mind you it poured rain all day, so I pretty much felt like a drowned rat, as I ran into the school, then ran her to the car, ran into the doctor and then ran out, then ran into the store for the prescription and then ran out again back into the rain. Oh, and I also ran out and picked up ingredients for homemade Chicken soup, hoping to make something healthy and tasty for Avery's dinner. It hit me later in the day that I was just being a Mom. Other than being soaked through, which was not pleasant, I was happy to take care of my daughter and help her get better.

 I have been struggling lately with what or who I am. I am feeling so out of place and sad with all of the things that have happened over the last few months with my Dad and sisters. I have lost track of who I really am. I have lost the confidence in myself and the drive to participate in many things. Even simple everyday tasks have been difficult for me to accomplish. I have even gone so far as to think of myself as nothing, with no purpose and no talent, not particularly bright or even useful. There have been times when the girls have been upset with me and said hurtful things and I have thought they were right. This is not who I once was. I have been stomped down by the boot of this last year and I am having a hard time pulling myself back up.

 That is why yesterday was so important. I had no choice, I had to be Mom. I had a job to do, that no one else can do, and I had to help my daughter feel better. Nothing else mattered. I have a long way back to the me I use to be, but every journey begins with a single step, and I hope that the step I took yesterday will help get me back there.