"When can I go home?" That is what my Aunt Nina asked me on the phone yesterday. I told her that I would look into it, but that I would not be able to do anything until after this week. I have to talk with people at the facility where she is staying now and then I have to contact the home care company and the woman that cleans for her, so that she can prepare the house for Aunt Nina to come home. I really do not think she understands that we cannot just put her in the car and drop her off!
The thing is that she does not want 24 hour care, which is what they recommended the last time she wanted to go home. She thinks she can go home and have her part-time caregiver come in for a couple of hours and she will be OK. The problem is that the last time we did that she did not take her medication properly or even eat properly. That is beside the fact that she does not even get up and walk around. She sits in a wheelchair all day each day and gets around by walking in her wheelchair. She literally sits in the chair and walks the chair around with her feet. She cannot do that at home, because she has several different levels on the main floor and her bedroom is upstairs. I am not sure how she thinks this will work out.
Needless to say, I am frustrated! I am sure that she wants to be home and be surrounded by her things. I am also sure that because her husband and daughter are gone she just wants to be miserable. She does not want a radio in her room at the center where she is staying. She will not let us have the television set up for her to watch. She just sits in her wheelchair, and stares out the doorway of her room all day everyday unless someone visits her.
She cannot see well, due to macular degeneration, and her hearing is terrible. On top of the fact she cannot walk well either and barely gets around on her own. I cannot in good conscience send her home without full time care. She is angry, because she does not want anyone staying in her house with her, and she does not want to pay what it would cost to have two people split the 24 hour shift, because it is double what she would pay for live in help. She does not want to stay at the care center either. She just wants to go home and lay in her bed and be miserable until it is her time to die. I will be working on calling people today to rally support for my cause. If she goes home she must have 24 hour care. Like it or lump it!
The other issue is that all of the company that she has had visiting her will pretty much stop. People are not going to want to go to her house and visit her up in her bedroom. Somehow, I will have to get these professionals to help her see that she needs the help. She is looking for someone to blame for her situation and right now she has decided that this is my fault. We had told her we needed her to stay at the care center at least until after the holidays, and to her it is after the holidays and she is mad that she is still there. I can only guess that on December 26th, she thought we would pull up to the door and throw her in the car and drive off. Sorry, not going to happen!
So, on top of working towards mothering perfection today, I will be learning about elder care. I suppose it would be a good idea for me to work towards perfection in that as well. What have I got to lose? At some point the information might come in handy for me too!
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