A while back I wrote about how horrified I was when Avery did not complete an assignment that was 70% of her grade, because she had been gone the entire weekend at a youth retreat. Her grade at the time went plunging from an A to an F in one fell swoop! I also shared with you at the time that Avery had asked me to let it go, that she would handle it. Well, word came home on Friday that her grade in Algebra is now an A-!
I was absolutely amazed at how hard she worked to get her grade back up. Every so often I would try to ask her how she was doing, and she would say to me, "I have gotten 100% on everything I have done so far Mom, but you need to stop worrying about it!" For whatever reason, I was more upset about the whole thing then she was. She had every confidence she would make it right and that was that!
This incident has had me thinking about why I would react like I did. I literally panicked! What the heck was that about? Even recently, when Aly and I went round and round about her handing in the missing papers to her teacher, I was worrying. I know that the girls are hard working students. They both have a love of learning and also a love of school (most days). Why would I worry about their grades? It is almost like I am personally attached to their accomplishments. It even feels a little like I am living through them, with both girls getting good grades, it will somehow absolve me of my poor grades in school. This is just speculation, but it is worth thinking about. What if I am the scholastic version of a stage mother? What if I am driving my children to succeed to fill some deep hole within me?
Honestly, it is not like I sit at the table with a whip and force them to do their school work. They have both always been very good about coming home and doing their homework. I also rarely, discuss school with them other then asking if they have homework and suggesting they get it done or something like the missing papers happens. They are pretty self propelled when it comes to school. Despite that, I still find myself wondering...do I drive my children to hard? Are my expectations too high?
This is something I am thinking a lot about right now. I truly hope that I can take some time over their Christmas break to talk to each of them about this topic. If they are feeling pressure about school from me, I hope I can learn to back down some and let them succeed or fail on their own merit and not take it on as my own. They are great kids, and the grades, (while they are nice) are not going to be all that they have in life. There ability to be good friends and loving parents are just as valuable as there scholastic abilities. This actually opens up a whole new can of worms, since here I am working towards being the perfect mom. These could be big shoes to fill, talk about pressure! Yeah, whatever you all know way to much all ready to buy that one!!
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