Well, I think I have figured it out. I am going to be driving my children to(and picking them up from)where they need to be for as long as they need me to. Just yesterday Aly was planning on bowing out on something she had this afternoon after school, because she did not want to have to ask me to pick her up. I felt terrible, as much as I hate the constant running hither and yon, I do not want my girls to give up what they like doing. I only have a small window of time left before my girls all have lives of their own, and I want to spend as much of that window with them.
As I look out my window this morning, I am having a hard time getting motivated to write anything. There is a small amount of snow on the ground and it is raining. It is like the weather cannot make up its mind about what it wants to do. Instead of choosing one thing, we get the weather combo pack! This is not the kind of day that you jump out of bed for, this is the kind of day that you pull the covers over your head and fall back to sleep hoping that when you wake up the sun will be shining and the birds will be singing.
I am also struggling because I am frustrated. For the last few years, Mark and I have been trying to work towards our own holiday with our girls. For many years (since my parents lived out of state) it was tradition to go to Mark's parents house on Christmas day. It was always a lot of fun. All the Cousins, Aunts and Uncles exchanging gifts and eating the traditional Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. It was always fun to catch up with everyone. I do not think I had ever seen so many people or gifts on Christmas in all my life. Mark's parents always went all out for everyone.
As time has gone on though things have been changing for us here. We now have my Aunt Nina that we are responsible for and we have added a son-in-law and his family into the mix. This makes it tough for us to have a Christmas with our children the way we would like, because we are trying to juggle so many other things. Over time we had started to make alternate plans with Mark's family so that we could accommodate our own growing family. This has hurt Mark's parents, and in kind it has saddened and frustrated Mark. How do we honor what we need for our family and still honor his family too?
This is not easy. My oldest daughter Ashleigh has a husband and in-laws (that live 3 hours from them) of her own that have expectations for them, plus her own family(we live two hours from them)and the traditions she enjoys with us. We have Aunt Nina who until this year we would bring to our home to enjoy the holiday with us. Now due to her being unable to get around as well, we will need to go to her and spend time with her on Christmas. Somewhere in all of this we will be going to church and having a celebration of our own with our children. Things were more simple when we could throw everyone in the car and just head out to Grandma's on the afternoon of Christmas day, but our family is changing and we need to make our own traditions.
I am frustrated, because my husband is hurt and sad. He wants to please his Mom and Dad and he wants to please his own family and now he is in the middle. This is not how we want Christmas to be. We have tried to think of ways to make new traditions that would be enjoyable for everyone, but at this point we are still working through the hurt and disappointment. Over all, we know that for our family needs to make a change, we are being pulled in too many directions and we just have to focus on what will work for us. We love Mark's family, they are wonderful generous, loving people who would drop everything to help us if we needed it. However, it is time for our family to make traditions of our own. Knowing of course that this is temporary. In time Ashleigh and Scott will have children of their own and Avery and Aly will have lives of their own and we will be right back where we are now, trying to figure out how to make the holiday enjoyable for everyone and not have hard feelings.
I can only hope that somewhere along the line I will stumble across The Perfect Mom's Guide to Holiday Happiness and I will be able to get some tips on how to handle this situation with grace. Until then I will stumble around like a bull in a china shop!
1 comment:
When you find, "The Perfect Mom's Guide to Holiday Happiness," please let me know. I need a copy too. The holidays surely do get complicated. I have gotten myself so stressed trying to do it all in the past few years that my kids call me,"The Grinch." I am trying real hard this year to not be "The Grinch." I agree sometimes as our kids get older and family changes we do need to make new traditions. I am going to work on that this year. I will let you know how it goes.
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