- Missing sanity check
- holiday spirit zip
- Ability to think zip
- loving towards family zip
- calm and rational zip
- kids ready to over throw Mom check
I am not sure where to go from here. I cannot seem to get to a good place within myself. Last night as I was driving my kids home from another rehearsal, I lost it. Avery said she did not want to do the show anymore and I flipped out. FYI people, I am sick of driving. Pretty sure I would have rather been at home. Why wait until Mom has driven you to the rehearsal(in the pouring rain)and waited around for an hour to tell her you do not want to do this. On top of the fact that I had to race up to the high school to get Aly so she could come home, have a bite to eat and then head out to this rehearsal.
Aly still wants to do this show, but I am feeling like we should hang it up. I am ready to be done racing around. I guess the fact that we have been on the go since school started and top that with the events(involving my Dad)of the last few weeks and the cherry on top being the trip down to New Orleans, and you have a crazy Mom sundae!
I am thinking that I am going to be drummed right out of the Mom business for this, but here goes. I am sick of driving everywhere! Maybe it is because of being on the road so much last week. I do know that by the time we got home last night both of my daughters were upset with me and went straight to their rooms. I was not nice, and I did not care, I was just done! There is not much to do now, except ask my children to forgive me for losing it. I cannot promise that it will not happen again, but I can at least ask them to love me through this rough patch.
In the big picture that is what we all need the most when things are not going so great. We just need someone (or multiple someones) to love us and hold us and convince us that this too shall pass. I want to be excited for Christmas, I want to think about something besides my Dad and his issues. I will say it again, isn't it a shame that we are all focused on what he is doing and not on him and his Cancer? By trying to "be happy", he is losing the love and concern of his children. My Dad is also not showing any love or concern for his children. I do not get it!
When the girls get home today, I will sit them down and ask them to forgive me for being so rough on them last night. Some of it was the driving everywhere that put me over the edge, but mainly it was pure frustration talking, and that is not my girls fault. I love them too much to leave them with the whacked out Mom memory burning in their brain. Hopefully, they will cut me some slack. Odds are good they will, they both have places they need to go in the next few days, and...I'm their ride!
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