Day 123 The Perfect Mom Project

Its HERE!! Phew like a freight train heading down the track Christmas has been coming at me. Finally, all the time and energy of preparation will pay off. I can enjoy the holidays and eat, drink and be merry.
From the time I was a very little girl Christmas was special. My Mom loved Christmas and because she loved Christmas she would work very hard to make it special. Every year she would work to make every desire come true. I know now how difficult that had to have been. Trying to do this as a single Mom, was never easy for me, and I can only imagine that it was just as difficult for her.

In the picture, I am probably about 2 or 3 years old. The dress I am wearing was made for me by my Mom. I still have that dress, I am not able to wear it anymore, but for some reason I have always hung on to it. I remember playing with those blocks too. They came with a cloth bag to store them in and I can remember pouring them out onto the floor to play with them. The little gold Santa was always out at my Grandma and Granddaddy's house. I am not sure where it came from, but it is always in my memory. I know it is somewhere in the house in New Orleans, and I will probably never see it again. I had asked my Mom for it once, and she had told me she was not ready to part with it. I hope someday to have it back, but I have lots of pictures of it and great memory's about this silly little Santa.

When I was a few years older, I remember after a particularly tough year, Santa put coal in my stocking. I have to tell you if you want to ruin your kids Christmas and stunt them for the better part of their life, this is a good way to go. I will never forget that as long as I live. Another year when I was much older, I found a little tin of coal at a store and I bought it and wrapped it up for my Mom. She thought it was funny, but in the back of my mind I was thinking, "There, take that!"

When I was probably 10 or 11 years old, I remember waking up on Christmas morning and finding this big paper bag with Holiday decorations on it. It was very tall, almost as tall as me, and it was filled with all kinds of gifts, including a pair of ice skates, which came in handy, since we lived on a lake at the time. That same day, my Mom and I went to a neighbors house to have some Christmas cheer and the mom there said, "I am not sure what happened, but Santa left this gift here by mistake!" and then she handed me a package. When I opened it there was a flute inside. That was the best, it was another moment I will always remember. I still have that flute. Sadly, I do not play it anymore, but for some reason I think I should keep it.

Most years were like that all year would be not so great and then Christmas or my birthday would come along and it would be awesome! For a very long time I struggled with Mark over these occasions, because my expectations were so high, now I am happy that, that was not reality and that my everyday life is in balance with my holidays, which is a better thing anyway. I have unfortunately passed along my Christmas expectation issue to my oldest daughter Ashleigh and I know my son-in-law is forever grateful to me.

I hope that tomorrow on Christmas morning, I will be creating memories for my own children. Giving them little moments to store away and keep to reflect on later when they need to. I know that my Mom worked hard to do that for me and I am able to use those memories now to remember her. My Mom was not perfect (heck sometimes she was down right horrible)but she still has a special place in my heart. She was Mom, and when I was little...that is all that mattered.