Today is my Great Aunt Nina's 92nd birthday. Her actual name is Marthena, all of her friends call her Marty, but I could not say that when I was little, so I have always called her Aunt Nina. This day is bittersweet for her. Her husband and daughter have passed on as well as her brothers and sisters.
Mark and I started caring for her after her daughter died. Aunt Nina had a heart attack and there was no one else to care for her. We have no regrets about caring for her, but it does sometimes feel like we have another child. There are responsibilities involved that sometimes make us very uncomfortable. We do not want to tell her what to do because she is an adult. She makes this difficult sometimes, because she is legally blind and has a hard time hearing, and really does not walk steady, yet she feels that she can live alone with a part-time aide that comes in for a couple of hours each day. Not exactly an ideal situation.
I know that if I was 92 I would not want a couple of whipper snappers telling me how to live my life. I just hope that if I live to that age that I will know when to let go a little and let my children make choices that are in my best interest. It is easy to say now, but I do hope that I remember these days and how tough it is to be telling someone else how to live.
We will go for a visit today and bring her some Apple Crisp, a present, maybe even some balloons and we will help her celebrate this landmark day. I will not even let it bother me when she says "I do not have a problem with my hearing, you people have a problem with enunciating!" I will just plan on talking a little louder and packing a little more patience. Hey, when I am 92, I hope that my family will over look some of my quirks. Actually they probably already are!
Mark and I started caring for her after her daughter died. Aunt Nina had a heart attack and there was no one else to care for her. We have no regrets about caring for her, but it does sometimes feel like we have another child. There are responsibilities involved that sometimes make us very uncomfortable. We do not want to tell her what to do because she is an adult. She makes this difficult sometimes, because she is legally blind and has a hard time hearing, and really does not walk steady, yet she feels that she can live alone with a part-time aide that comes in for a couple of hours each day. Not exactly an ideal situation.
I know that if I was 92 I would not want a couple of whipper snappers telling me how to live my life. I just hope that if I live to that age that I will know when to let go a little and let my children make choices that are in my best interest. It is easy to say now, but I do hope that I remember these days and how tough it is to be telling someone else how to live.
We will go for a visit today and bring her some Apple Crisp, a present, maybe even some balloons and we will help her celebrate this landmark day. I will not even let it bother me when she says "I do not have a problem with my hearing, you people have a problem with enunciating!" I will just plan on talking a little louder and packing a little more patience. Hey, when I am 92, I hope that my family will over look some of my quirks. Actually they probably already are!
1 comment:
I just wanted to say thank you for doing this project. I enjoy reading your posts on a daily basis. I can relate to a lot of what your write. I have laughed and cried after reading your posts thinking to myself, “It is nice to hear I am not the only one going through these situations.” Your posts make me feel more normal. It cracks me up that you speak of it as dysfunction at times because my family experiences many of the same things.
Your posts have also helped me to understand you as a friend better and I am grateful for that. I have not lost one of my parents so I can’t fully understand that yet. I have lost an Uncle that I was close to and I can tell you that it has been two years since he passed and I still miss him. I don’t know if that feeling ever goes away. I think you just learn to live with the pain and learn to function each day the best you can. The pain from the loss of your mother is still fresh and I don’t know if there is a time limit for grieving. I just think you somehow learn to adapt to living with that pain.
Finally, I want to say, “Happy Birthday, Aunt Nina,” you are lucky to have Ragen and Mark in your life. I know I am so lucky to have Ragen in my life and the rest of the, “Newsletter Mom’s.” I believe that we help to complete each other. I honestly believe it takes a community to raise a child…we can’t do it alone.
Sorry it took me so long to make a post, I was very nervous about doing this. It is not so bad after you get started.
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