Since yesterday I have done some thinking about yesterdays blog post. It does seem as though I still have some anger towards my Mom. I just feel I missed so much. Our relationship never grew up. Even when my Mom became ill with Alzheimer's disease, and cancer I struggled with how to be there for her. She might not have been a great Mom, but she was my mom and I did not want her to feel she was alone or abandoned by me. Ironic isn't it?
Honestly, I gave her as much time as I could, when she was sick, but I was never compelled to go above and beyond that. I have no regrets about that. I spent time with her before she died, and since she lived in Louisiana, it was difficult to get there very often. Sadly, I was not there when she passed, but I think in a way that was best for both of us. My Mom kind of knew who I was when I would visit, but I am not 100% sure she knew I was her daughter. That is how I felt most of my life with her. I was never sure if she knew who I was, and if she had not given birth to me, I think she would have questioned if I was her own flesh and blood.
Now, here I am in the throws of motherhood, hoping that I can change the course of family dysfunction in a single bound. Putting on my cape and throwing down the gauntlet, to fight the foe of dysfunctional mothering. This is no easy task I have taken on. There is much to do and three young womens lives could be made or broken depending on how I handle this situation. One thing is for sure, I have the drive and determination to see my task through to the end. I also have the support of my trusty sidekick Mark (my husband), which is invaluable to me. I think this might just work out well, I have a good feeling about the task ahead. However, today is the first day of our school year, so wish me luck!
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