Day 10 The Perfect Mom Project

I am an only child. When I was 23 years old my Mom married a man with 3 teenage girls, so that is the closest to having siblings that I have ever been. My first experience with sibling issues was when my oldest daughter Ashleigh was 12 years old and my middle daughter Aly was 2 years old. Ashleigh was pushing a cart for me through a store and Aly was swinging her legs back and forth and kicking Ashleigh. Let's just say Ashleigh did not take it well. She started yelling at Aly and snapping at me. I looked at her and said " She is 2, you are 12!" Thinking that would be the end of it. Not so much, I have been learning about siblings ever since.

My husband Mark has three sisters and a brother. When we met he would always tell me how wonderful it was to come from a big family and how when we were married he would like a big family. I use to think that one was the perfect number, but he convinced me that we needed more. So, here I was in the middle of the store learning the other side of siblings, the side that Mark had not mentioned as he was lulling me into having more children...THE FIGHTING!

I remember sitting at the dinner table one night when my kids were younger feeling like a complete failure because my children were fighting. I was so disappointed in myself for having a dysfunctional family. I felt like I had really messed up and they were going to be scared for life, because of the mean things they said to each other. A "good mom" would not have children that behaved like this. Where had I gone wrong? Happily I have learned from other Moms who have several children and even from friends that have siblings, that kids generally do not skip along singing Kum By Ya all day, everyday. I have also learned that siblings can be some of the most aggravating people you will encounter in your life time.

Yesterday, I listened as Aly was busy making sure Avery was doing her chores properly. She kept asking her questions like "Did you dust here, or how about here?" I could here the hostility in Avery's voice as she responded. "Yes Aly, I did, you are not my Mom!" A few minutes later Avery came into the living room and was telling me how angry she was with Aly for bossing her around all the time. I told her that she might as well let it go, because that is what big sisters do, (not that I would know).

I just figure that at some point you have to just let them work it out on there own. I get tired of being the referee, it never goes well, I am always the bad guy to one or the other of my children. If they are going to storm out of the room or yell at somebody I would rather be the safe place to fall and not the one trying to figure out what happened and making a ruling on it. If I had wanted to be a judge I would have gone to Law school. I am better off sticking to being a Mom and stumbling through this maze without the complication of being the bad guy. The upside is that the girls all get along pretty well most of the time. I have seen them do amazing and wonderful things for each other, so I know they do love each other. It is just that every so often when things heat up around here, I have to remind myself that this is normal and to make myself scarce until it all dies down. Is that what a "good Mom" does? I am not sure, but it works for me.