I'm done…I have completely lost it. I started the morning by walking downstairs to get something and finding a wet towel lying on the floor in the laundry room. I decided I would pick it up (annoyed that it was left there) and put it over the laundry sink and as I stepped towards the sink I stepped in puddle of water. Now, my socks were wet, so I wiped up the water threw the towel over the sink and ran to change my socks since I was on my way to work out at 5:30 AM and the thought of working out in wet sport socks did not appeal to me. Now I was racing around the house trying to hurry, and not thinking very nice thoughts about my family. Where did the water come from? Why was this left here and not put away? How come the water wasn't all cleaned up? AAGGGGHH! I had to go meet my friends to work out and my family was all still sleeping, so I had to let it go.
When I got home an hour later I was already ramped up about the wet towel and the water and I barked at Mark about it, then I went downstairs thinking I would put the towel and wet rags in the washer later and I realize that Aly has left clothes in the dryer and folded laundry all over the basement counter. Now I was beyond ticked, I have told the girls to please do your laundry and put it away, but it never happens that way. I am usually reminding and nagging them about it. It certainly did not help that someone spilled laundry soap on the washer and dryer and did not bother to wipe it up. So as I yelled up the stairs to Aly that she had laundry in the dryer, things started heating up. She started telling me how she had to go to school and how she had been in a good mood and now I had ruined it. Now we had a full out in your face yell fest going on. I was thinking to myself, your mood is ruined? How about my morning that started with a wet sock? How about when I go downstairs and laundry is piled up and no one bothers to take it upstairs. Even when I do the laundry for them it will sit down there like it is in laundry detention. When an item is needed then it might make its way up the stairs.
Now, Mark was stepping into the mix, and that stirred me up even more. I know he wanted to help the situation, but it was too late, I was beyond any help. I have been feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated and this was the straw that broke the camel's back. I tried to explain to Mark that he goes to work and hears "Good job, Mark", or he gets a raise. The girls go to school and they get an A or positive feedback from their teachers. I get, "There is no peanut butter" or "Can you take me?", and "Can you pick me up?" "Do I have to________ (fill in the blank)? "Why do I have to___________ (fill in the blank)?
Honestly, I have told my family that they have no idea all the things that I do to make their lives run smoothly. I think I make my kids do more than some of my friend's kids. I have them make their own lunches and do their own laundry. I also expect them to do their homework. I do help them out when they need it, but I am trying to teach them to take care of themselves. I want them to learn that everyone has responsibilities they have to take care of, mainly because Mommy is not going to move out with you when it is your time to leave and if you do not learn how to take care of things here, where will you learn it?
The biggest problem now is that I have become a nagging, screaming, hag. I feel like the girls have completely stopped listening to me. They are taking what I ask them to do as suggestions. The constantly repeating directions has got to stop, there is no way to repeat the same direction the third, forth, and fifth time in a nice way! Even when I spoke to Aly this morning, I started out on 50 of the nagging scale and raced up to 100 in a matter of seconds. This got us nowhere except angry and she left for school crying (I hate that she left like that), and I continued complaining for another half of an hour, with Mark as my hostage. I am defensive, angry, tired and most of all just overwhelmed. I feel unappreciated and valueless. Honestly, I think that if I was a weather map, you would see the storm cloud just swirling over and over me with no clearing trend in sight.
That's where I am at, no perfect mom, just a giant stomping around crushing all the villagers. Now what?
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