Day 240 The Perfect Mom Project

Today I am running on empty. I am tired. I have been going none stop for almost 4 weeks, and even though part of that time I was on vacation, I was still on the go. I have also spent almost every moment with someone or doing something for someone and I just need a day with no obligations. I need some alone time.

I made two trips to get Aly from play practice yesterday. The first time there was a misunderstanding about what time she was done with practice and the second time she was actually done. Once home I had dinner waiting for her and Mark who also had come home late. While Aly ate I went outside to weed whack the yard, since Mark had bought a new lawn mower and I thought I would help out with getting our yard somewhat back in shape. After I was finished I came inside to Aly and Avery sitting at the table doing their homework and the food still out on the stove and dishes everywhere. "Why is the food still out?" I asked in a very annoyed mom way. Aly replied "I have to do my homework." "So, because you have to do your homework, you cannot clean up the food from the dinner that I prepared before I came to pick you up from school? We are all busy here, not just you." I told her. It went back and forth like that until she put away the food and then I went ahead and finished cleaning up the kitchen. I was aggravated, but mostly I was hurt. I feel like more and more as I do things I am less and less appreciated.

I think that there is an expectation that I will do things, but I am not allowed to expect anything from anyone else. My girls are living a great life, but they do not understand that it is sponsored by Mom. Maybe instead of giving me a hard time, you could just do what I have asked you to do. It could be that they are young and do not realize how upsetting it is to not be appreciated, or it could be that they are spoiled and just do not care. I am going to assume they do not realize, because if I thought that they did not care about me I could not take it.

I have some tasks to accomplish around here today and I feel like I am wearing lead boots. I hope I can get some things done and then I want to just sit quietly and enjoy being alone. I just need some time to do some thinking, a lot has happened recently and a lot more is going to happen, and I just need some time to think. There is my Dad, my Aunt, My kids, my house, my husband and still my Mom and somewhere in there I need to find a little piece of me.