Although both of these parents had been ill it is still hard to see them go, and even though I went through this same thing less than a year ago, I had a hard time finding the right words to share with them. Parts of me still knows the pain they are feeling, the sudden emptiness that you did not think you would feel. The surreal feeling of your parent being gone; it is like being without your electricity and trying to turn on the lights. You keep thinking of things to say or do for your parent and then it hits you that they are not there. As I sit writing today I can glance over and see the box where my Mom's ashes rest. She is gone yet she is still here.
I can only offer to my friends the hugs and love that I received when my Mom passed. The words are still caught in my throat. I know that the process of loss is long, but it is worth the journey. Each day that the sun has risen I have moved closer to healing. There will be days when they will each look in the mirror and see their parent looking back at them, or they will find themselves saying or doing things like their parent did. There will be moments of regret and moments of laughter over past memories. All these moments will help them move into life with a new normal. Your life changes, but it stays the same.
The physical touch stone of who you are is gone and now you must be the touch stone for your family. You must become the memory keeper and the wisdom giver, the circle of life at its best. Although they may not see it now, it is all part of God's plan for us. It is sort of like when you are working and the "go to" person leaves for a new job and you think that you will never be able to fill their shoes, suddenly you have no one to lean on and you find yourself able to step in and pick up the pieces. I can feel myself stepping in and moving forward a little bit more everyday and I know that in time my friends will too, but in the mean time, I am here if they need a place to lean.
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