Day 38 The Perfect Mom Project

In the last couple of days both of my girls have had some disappointment. Yesterday Avery had her Builders Club elections. She was running for President and she was feeling pretty confident. She had prepared a speech to share before the elections and had made sure that it was the allotted time in length. Unfortunately, she lost the election, to a friend. Avery shared with me that when she heard the results that she turned to her friend and smiled and then said, "Oh, that's awesome, congratulations!" Avery also shared with me that inside she did not feel like that.

Aly had try outs several days last week for the upcoming high school play. She tried for several parts and was even called back for three of them. She was so excited that she barely made it through the weekend. Monday morning she asked her Dad to drive her to school early (I am as shocked as you that I was not driving!) so that she could see the cast list as soon as it went up. Just before school started the list went up and I got the call. She had not gotten a main part. She had gotten a rather small role. She was very sad, she had her expectations set very high.

The one thing I have tried to convey to the girls since they were very small is that everything happens for a reason. I feel that we all get what we need when we need it. I have told them both that not getting these desired opportunities opens them up to so many more opportunities. It sounds great, but the sting of the defeat is still fresh. The fact that there will be something better out there later means nothing right now.

As their Mom I am sad for them. I want them to have everything and be everything, but that is not realistic. I know how much more I appreciate things that I have had to wait for. I also know how much I appreciate things I have worked for. In the next few days they will begin to heal from their disappointment and move forward and I will be there cheering them on. To get up and move forward is a much greater accomplishment then wallowing in bitterness and sadness. It is not the easiest accomplishment, it is however the sign of self respect and self confidence. These qualities will come in very handy when the time is right and the new opportunities come knocking.

Day 37 The Perfect Mom Project

OUCH! Every joint hurts this morning. I do not feel very good. I do not think it is the flu, since I do not have a fever, but my head is stuffy and I feel very run down. Here is the problem, I am the Mom. I have to pull it together and get going.

This part of mothering is the hardest part. When you are not feeling well, but you still have to get a bunch of things done. I was able to get my family to feed themselves last night, but now I am trying to figure out what I will do tonight. I am hoping to feel well enough later to get out to the store and pick up some tomato soup. I think that today is an excellent day for soup and grilled cheese.

Moms just do not get days off. I had surgery a few years back, nothing big, but I had to take it easy for about 6 weeks. My family was helpful and did do things around the house for me, but I had to bite my tongue (which is not easy for me) a lot of times. For instance when I would be in bed resting and everyone would forget about me. Apparently if you are a mom you do not need tender loving care like everyone else.

I just had a great idea! What about someone that comes in and takes care of mom when she is sick and tired? Not a maid or a nurse, but someone that would bring her food, give her medicine, take her temperature and tidy up her rest area. Wait, that is a nurse and maid combo. What would you call that...hhhhmmm...how about MOM!

I know I sound bitter, it is just that I would love just a little back up when I do not feel well. I guess it is like being your own boss, there is no one else. Everyone around you is intent on keeping themselves together and they are so used to you being on your game, that they do not even realize what you do or do not do, because YOU ALWAYS DO IT! I do not sense anyway out of this. I am pretty sure that once you are a mom it is just an unwritten rule that you are on your own when you are sick. That means that at least for a little while today, I will rest and try to get it together. Then, I will be back on taxi duty, picking up my children from their after school activities. I guess today I will just shoot for being a semi-perfect mom, its all I've got in me.

Day 36 The Perfect Mom Project

Today is my Great Aunt Nina's 92nd birthday. Her actual name is Marthena, all of her friends call her Marty, but I could not say that when I was little, so I have always called her Aunt Nina. This day is bittersweet for her. Her husband and daughter have passed on as well as her brothers and sisters.

Mark and I started caring for her after her daughter died. Aunt Nina had a heart attack and there was no one else to care for her. We have no regrets about caring for her, but it does sometimes feel like we have another child. There are responsibilities involved that sometimes make us very uncomfortable. We do not want to tell her what to do because she is an adult. She makes this difficult sometimes, because she is legally blind and has a hard time hearing, and really does not walk steady, yet she feels that she can live alone with a part-time aide that comes in for a couple of hours each day. Not exactly an ideal situation.

I know that if I was 92 I would not want a couple of whipper snappers telling me how to live my life. I just hope that if I live to that age that I will know when to let go a little and let my children make choices that are in my best interest. It is easy to say now, but I do hope that I remember these days and how tough it is to be telling someone else how to live.

We will go for a visit today and bring her some Apple Crisp, a present, maybe even some balloons and we will help her celebrate this landmark day. I will not even let it bother me when she says "I do not have a problem with my hearing, you people have a problem with enunciating!" I will just plan on talking a little louder and packing a little more patience. Hey, when I am 92, I hope that my family will over look some of my quirks. Actually they probably already are!

Day 35 The Perfect Mom Project

The beginning of another week...how is it possible? I was so excited yesterday to spend the day with my girls. All the plans were in place and the day started out very well. As we sat around watching some old family videos, Ashleigh started not to feel well. Slowly our plans began to change, we were moving some plans and scratching off others. This kept happening until Ashleigh said "I think I am going to go home...I do not want to get everyone here sick and I do not want to drive home tomorrow if I feel worse."

This was a huge disappointment. After I had been looking forward to spending all this time together with the girls, it was a real let down. I actually found myself getting teary eyed. I did not want to let on to Ashleigh, because I knew she did not feel well, and I did not want to make her feel guilty on top of everything else.

Today is a new day! Ashleigh is home safe and hopefully feeling better being in her own bed. The younger girls and I are going to breakfast. We just have to try to pull a rabbit out of a hat. If we get caught up in our disappointment, we will not be able to move forward. Our time together without Ashleigh will be different, but it will still be enjoyable.

Soon Mark will be home from his weekend golf trip and we will celebrate his birthday. We will spend some time with him, and have some fun family time. At least that is the plan right now, you never know. You have to be ready for anything.

Day 34 The Perfect Mom Project

My oldest daughter Ashleigh is here visiting for the weekend. We had a nice day together yesterday. We did not really do to much, we went to visit with my Great Aunt Nina and hung out mostly, but it was a good day. We are looking forward to today. I and all of my daughters are going to do a little shopping and some more hanging out. Just a relaxing time while our husbands are away on a golf trip together.

It sounds funny to use the phrase "all of my daughters", it sounds like a large group. I know to some we seem like a large family, but I have never thought of us that way. Actually for someone that started out wanting to have only one child, I think I have progressed rather well. Each one of the girls is so different from the other it is like I have the bonus pack. It is sort of like when you buy the cool box of Crayola's with the bonus of super cool colors included. I had one fabulous daughter and then 11 years later I added the "bonus super cool colors"! They are a colorful group, with amazing perspectives. They each have something different about them that makes them special. Each one is no better then the other, because they each have gifts and talents that blend well with the other. I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to bring them into this world. I am sure that they will each make a memorable mark (with thier super cool colors) on our world!

Last night I brought out the picture board from my Mom's funeral. Even after 5 months I have not been able to take the pictures off of it. Each time I bring it out I become frozen. I look at all of the pictures of my Mom and I together. We look so happy. I know that we had some good times together, it just never felt as easy and as comfortable as it does with my girls. As each of my girls is getting older we are developing amazing relationships. Each relationship being different , but special just the same. While I am sad that my Mom and I never really shared that type of connection, I believe that I have the knowledge to keep these relationships with my girls healthy and strong.

My oldest daughter Ashleigh has offered to help me get the picture board pictures into an album this weekend. I think I am going to take her up on that, I know I need to move forward and let the past go. This could be a step in the healing process and at the same time an opportunity to bond. I like the thought of that.

Our family

is a circle of strength

and love. With every birth

and every union, the circle grows.

Every joy shared adds more love.

Every crisis faced together

makes the circle

stronger.

Unknown Author

Day 33 The Perfect Mom Project

Yesterday morning I picked Avery up from school to take her to the orthodontist. She was finally getting her expander off the roof of her mouth and and her top braces on. I know it sounds crazy, but we were excited. It was a bench mark in our braces journey. The other upside was I was making my final payment on Aly's braces! As Avery was bounding out of the car, I was skipping along right behind her.

When they called her into the back of the office, I took my Mom position in the not so comfortable chair with my magazine. As the time ticked by I was getting a little concerned, because since Aly was suffering with a cold, I had told her I would bring some cold medicine up to her during her lunch. She was staying after school for play tryouts, and we thought that a little cold medicine would help keep her going. I was supposed to be at the high school at 11:15 AM and it was now 11:00 AM. I approached the desk, "Any chance Avery will be done soon?" The women behind the counter went to check. She informed me that Avery would be out any minute. I was really starting to sweat, how in the heck was I going to get up to the high school in time? As you know perfect mothering is all about timing. One miss step and you could find yourself thrown in with the "bad moms".

Avery finally came out minutes later and after booking her next appointment we dashed out of there. We were stopped at every light all the way up to the high school and then just for a little icing on our already late cake, there were two trucks in front of us that could not get up to speed after every stop. At this point all I could do was laugh! I had this vision of Aly waiting for me in the office missing her lunch and being hungry and sad, because her Mom was late! Boy, was I wrong!

I locked Avery in the car in front of the school, (I did not even crack the window like you would for a dog) and ran like a mad woman into the building. I opened the door to the office looked around and realized my daughter was not there. Where the heck was she? Maybe she was so upset she had gone to the restroom? I asked the office attendant if she had seen her and she did not remember her being in the office. Now what? One of the hall monitors suggested that I look in the lunchroom. Hey, that's a good idea, I'll do that.

I walked to the door of the lunchroom with confidence and looked in. I honestly do not think I have ever seen that many teenagers in one place before. It was like a sea of teenage bodies, and of course they all look up as I plunged into the room. One of the Lunch Mom's escorted me through the room as I looked from side to side trying to locate my missing daughter. As I was walking through the room I found myself thinking, if she forgot, I will ring her neck! Every so often a friend of hers would say, "Hi, Mrs Beadle" and then they would wave, and I would wave back. Here I am waving at all these kids and mine still was no where in sight.

Finally, one of her friends waved me over, "Hi, Mrs. Beadle, Aly sits at the front of the cafeteria in the corner." Of course she does, that means I walked right by her as I paraded around the lunchroom waving at all of her friends. I worked my way back to the front of the room and came up behind her, put my hands on her shoulders and said, "Did you forget about me?" Turns out when I was not there she headed back to the lunchroom to eat her lunch. No drama ,like I had thought there would be. So while I was busy having my own version of a sitcom she was calmly eating her lunch and visiting with her friends. At least one of us had it together.

The funny thing is that most days are like that here. They say truth is stranger then fiction and I believe it, because I live it. I could not make this stuff up. Just an average gal trying to make her way through this parenting path with no map. If I am lucking maybe one of the girls friends will see me and point me in the right direction!

Day 32 The Perfect Mom Project

I think I like winter the best. Summer is great, I love warm weather, wearing sandals and shorts and sipping beverages on the deck or by a pool. Fall the trees are beautiful, the cider is yummy and I love eating all those comfort foods it was too hot to eat in the summer. Spring, well I live in Michigan, so I do not think we actually even have spring here. It is more like a mild winter up until the first part of May.

But, winter is calm. The pace is different, my whole house seems more peaceful. In the winter we do not seem to have all the rushing around that we experience this time of year. I spend most of the fall feeling like my hair is on fire. It must have a lot to do with school starting. Everyone is suddenly back on schedule. There are sports starting back up and tryouts for any number of things, with games and dances and hayrides...AAGGHH! My head is going to pop off.

But winter is calm, as I mentioned before. I especially love when there is a snow day. I like building a fire in the fireplace and knowing that no matter what, we are home for the day. The girls and I just relax and spend the day with no agenda. I do not even mind when the phone rings at 5:30 AM to tell us school is cancelled. It is like winning a raffle or something.

I am determined to slow the pace down here at my house this weekend. I want to enjoy my girls and sip some cider. Maybe we can poke around some stores and get some great sales! Just some girl time. We can pretend that it is a snow day and get a movie or two. Anything to just cherish these young women while I can. I realize more and more each day how each season brings them nearer to graduation and college and then life. I do not want to look back and only remember the winters. I guess I better get going so I can pick up some cider, maybe I will get myself a carmel apple. I think it would help me relax, don't you?

Day 31 The Perfect Mom Project

Aly and Avery informed me that they both need to be picked up from school at 4:15 today. The only problem is that their schools are at opposite ends of town. This is when I feel most like a shuttle bus. Trying to coordinate who to pick up when, can be similar to planning a military mission.

A couple of days ago I decided to run out to the store to get a few groceries. It was late in the day and I was cutting it close. Aly had informed me that morning, she was staying after school for a drama meeting. I knew I would have to pick her up, but I was not too sure about the time. I figured what the heck, go for it! Off I went, I had great confidence and I was ready to shop. I pulled into my parking spot, (at the store) shut off my car and heard my phone trill its pretty "you have a text" sound. I hesitantly opened my phone and read, "Can you pick me up at 3:00 PM?". AGH, it was 2:30 PM, I would have to be Speed Racer in the store in order to get to the school on time. I texted her back that I was at the store and would get there ASAP.

I was flying around the store throwing things into the cart making up recipes in my head. As I pulled my tag at the deli so that I could order some lunch meat, I knew that I would have to practice deep breathing, it always seems to be a long wait. Once I was done there I made one last swing through the produce department and I was off! Hooray, I did it I would make it to the school by 3:15 and still be home when Avery got home. Yea me!

Once home with the groceries put away in the cupboards I decided to spend a little time playing my DS game. Comfy in a big chair with my feet up, I look up to see Aly walking by with a huge arm load of laundry. "Um Aly, you might want to wait on that." She stops in her tracks and looks at me aggravated, "why?". "Well, remember when you texted me today? I was rushing through the store and I forgot laundry soap. Sorry, I will go back out right now and get some." About the time I was heading out, Mark saved the day by calling to tell me he was on his way home. Since he would be going right by the store he offered to stop. Phew, saved by my trusty sidekick again!

Once again as I am getting cozy in my chair Aly tells me that she has an overdue book at the library, and she needs to take it back today! I figured since I did not have to run out to the store going to the library was no big deal, so off we went. As we headed home I started to realize how hungry I was. I was looking forward to getting home and having dinner. I had decided that since Mark was still working on projects in the yard he would appreciate a simple dinner so that he could get outside quickly. My dinner idea was sandwiches. I had a delicious variety of lunch meats ready and waiting.

As we all came together to prepare our yummy meal it was brought to my attention that we had only three slices of bread in the house. Oh, for crying out loud! Have I completely lost it? Off I went back to the store while my family stood there waiting to eat. Considering that this is the second time in two weeks that we have been out of bread (at the worst possible time) maybe I should get a clue and buy bread when I go the store! Let's just say that on that day I was not feeling very close to becoming the Perfect Mom. I felt more like a worn out, used up, not very on the ball Mom.

As I prepare my military strategy for child pick up today, I am already on the ball with a dinner idea. I am pretty sure I have everything I need, but just in case I will start early. Of course the dinner idea I bought all the ingredients for is soup, and it is one of the warmest September days on record. Everyday is an exciting new adventure here in Mom world!

Day 30 The Perfect Mom Project

Today is a banner day, not only is it the first day of autumn, but it is my 30th day writing this blog. Can you believe that I have had that much to write about? Looking ahead though that means that I have another 335 days left to share my Perfect Mothering quest with you. If each day continues like yesterday, I should have no problem coming up with things to share.

Yesterday started with a muggy rainy morning. Our tradition here at the Beadle bungalow is that on rainy mornings Mom drives you to the bus stop. Why work hard to look cute for school and have it all go down the drain in that rain! With that in mind the shuttle was up and running. I will be honest and tell you that I was in my PJ's and slippers. I felt that it was not as dangerous a move in the rain, once it snows , I will probably rethink that move.

Once my tour of shuttling duty was over I headed home to get my day started. I ate some breakfast and poked around on the computer and then nothing. I just sat there. I watched an old Betty Davis movie, and began to feel disgusted with myself. Get moving! I just could not get it together. Finally in the late morning a good friend called and asked me to go walking with her. If it had not been for that I would probably still be sitting in my PJ's on the couch.

Now the thing that bothers me the most is just a few short years ago, after the girls were up, I would jump in the shower, get dressed, do my hair and make up and TA DA, ready for the day. I would never have thought to go to the bus stop, anything but put together. Where did that on the ball, put together woman go? I just do not feel like putting myself into full gear like that anymore. I still get ready for the day, but at a much slower pace. I don't think my kids care, because they still let me drive them, but I feel like I am becoming somewhat apathetic about myself. Have some pride woman, how hard is it to put on some pants?

I think I am going to work on a little dignity today. Fortunately it is not raining out, so I do not have to drive to the bus, but just for the heck of it I am going to get it together early and see if I can recapture some of my old self. A little hair and makeup before 8:00 AM and get started on my day. Why not, I have nothing to lose, and I could feel like a new woman. First I am going to warm up my coffee though, I want to be a little more awake before I get started. Wish me luck!

Day 29 The Perfect Mom Project

My cousin called me last night. She and I got into a discussion about our family. Mainly the lack of family. My cousin has two brothers and sadly her mom passed many years ago, when she was still a very young women. I, as you might remember am an only child. We were talking about the fact that when my Great Aunt passes we will be the last standing matriarchs of our family. Since she is slightly older then I am I will gladly relinquish the title to her. No use fighting over it, I do not think I am mature enough to be considered for the position.

We have both gotten a lot of joy out of hearing the stories that our Aunt tells us. We have been fortunate that because we are a small family we are close to her. Without her in our lives, we would not have any information about our family. With both of our mothers gone, there is no one to share these stories with us or our children. We can preserve some of the family history to pass on.

Included in that history are some of the mistakes that our family has made. Nothing too embarrassing, but mistakes that we can learn from and pass that knowledge on to our children. My cousin and I have said for many years that we are dedicated to not repeating the past. I in particular am raising my children completely different then I was raised. I knew even as a young child that my children would have a different life then I had growing up. I spent a lot of time alone when I was young and I also never really felt valued. These two things were quite damaging and not something that I would recommend if you are working towards Perfect Motherhood.

I am so grateful to have my cousin to talk to about my life and also hers, we both dealt with great trauma at young ages. We have been able to encourage each other in working through the road blocks and getting on with the business of being happy. Our children have become friends and we enjoy watching them interact. It reminds us of when we were kids playing with her brothers. When they would come to visit it was always a wonderful vacation for me. I am certain that as the years move forward that our stories will fade some, but right now for me they remain fresh in my mind. Constant reminders of what life should not be and also some reminders of the joy that having family gives you.

I look forward to passing all of this on to my girls. Some of the history they already know and some they will learn when the time is right. For now I am happy to pass on my love and time to them so that they will never think that they do not matter. There will always be plenty of time and plenty of love available here waiting for them. I think that as a good mom that is my job, don't you?

Day 28 The Perfect Mom Project

The dress decision has been made! It is with great excitement that I share with you that we have a dress for homecoming. It is with even more excitement that I share with you it did not cost me a dime! A very good friend of ours has a daughter close in age to Aly. She let her know yesterday that she just might have something that would work for her. It is a beautiful dress on Aly and it will work out great! YEA!

We did, however, have to go out last night and do some looking around just in case the right dress was really hanging on a rack at the mall. This time spent with Aly last night was the best we have had in a long time. She is so busy growing up and becoming her own person, it is tough sometimes for us to relate. It was fun to just go out looking for a dress with no expectations. I have to admit we did get side tracked now and then. You can not expect a girl to just walk past all the great deals without at least taking a peek.

The main thing is that we enjoyed our time together. We just hung out. I was not trying to mother her or push her into a decision. She was open to try things just to see if it might work. I found myself liking my daughter very much! I remember watching my oldest become a person. It is such a weird feeling to have them so dependent on you one day and the very next they are making decisions only they can make and they are doing it with confidence. This is probably how the Momma bird feels when her babies are learning to fly.

At this point I feel good about my birdie. She is becoming a lovely young women. I know that she will have times when she can not quite get in the air, but for the most part I think she is going to be all right. Now, for the last baby bird, she can barely make it out of bed on her own right now, I think I still have some work with that one!

Day 27 The Perfect Mom Project

Yesterday, I ran into an old friend. It was great to see her and spend some time catching up on what has been happening in both of our lives. As she shared with me some particularly upsetting news, she added that this news was because she had such a dysfunctional family. She actually said this a couple of times and it got me thinking. Is it possible that we all have dysfunctional families?

I know that I have written in the past about my fear that our family suffers from dysfunction. If my friend feels that way and I feel that way, who else feels that way? Could it be that we are all just a study in what can go wrong in a family? I have shared my life story with friends in the past and they have been amazed that I am the person that I am today. They view my life as unusual and ponder why I turned out to be what they consider normal. I find this funny, because I have never considered myself normal.

I remember when my oldest daughter came home from her first semester of college. We were sitting on the couch and she was telling me all about the dorm life and the people she was meeting there. I was just so proud and happy, I had my first child in college. The moment was somewhat tarnished when she looked at me and said " You know Mom we are not the Cleavers"! Excuse me? When had I ever lead her to believe that that was what we were, or that that was even a goal of ours. I am pretty sure I knew we were not the Cleavers, because I was staying up nights worrying about our dysfunction. Then I started to wonder who she had met up there and why they made our family look less wonderful to my daughter. At that point I was not sure if college really was a good idea!

Over all I think that every family has a little closet full of kookiness. Some of us are better at hiding it then others. I sincerely do not care if our kookiness hangs out, apparently once you get to college the charade is up anyway. I do know that last night my youngest girls came bounding in from the high school football game, laughing and talking and sharing stories about the fun they had there. They never mentioned that we were from a dysfunctional family or that we might not stand the test of some TV family. I could not help but look across the table and think that if this is dysfunction then I kind of like it!

Day 26 The Perfect Mom Project

Today, I am a little slow getting going. My brain just does not want to think about another thing. Last night being the first night this week that I did not need to rush dinner and then rush out of the house was nice. However, Mark worked late, so we have yet to have a real conversation this week. The closest we came to a conversation was when we emailed back and forth yesterday about some bills that I was paying online. I am hoping that this evening, once the yard work is done, that we can spend a little time together. Both girls are planning to go to the high school football game, so it sounds like we might have some time alone. I like that idea a lot!

Talking about the football game brings to mind the next stress item on my mothering list HOMECOMING! It is way past time to look for "THE DRESS", Aly has advised me. I pulled out a beautiful dress that her sister wore when she was in high school, but she is not 100% on board with that. She likes the color, but it is a long dress and she would like a short dress in that color. I know that having her own dress for this dance would be awesome, but my wallet is not willing to cooperate!

I am willing to do some dress shopping, but I do not want to get into a disagreement about the style of the dress, or the color of the dress, or worst of all, the cost of the dress. I just want the Party Dress Fairy to swoop down and drop "THE" dress and save me. I know it is not likely, but a girl can dream can't she?

Honestly, the things that used to excite me, like shopping for the dresses and the activities the girls are involved in, and even the school activities do nothing for me. I have become this blob! I feel my head trying to work something out, but I am not privy to what it is yet. All I know is that I am going through the motions of being a Good Mom everyday, but my heart is not in it. Actually that could be said for my life over all.

I used to plan all kinds of things for the kids to do, and encourage them to have friends over and run them hither and yon. Now, not so much. I think Avery has asked every week for someone to spend the night and I am just not into it. Honestly, having a friend overnight is no big deal. Something so small yet it feels so big to me right now.

I have had people tell me that when they lost their Mom it took them at least 6 months to get back to their old selves. I am only on Month 5, and it is not looking like the grief is nearing an end. I can only imagine what the grief is like for people that actually had a relationship with their Mom. Perhaps it is more difficult for me, because we did not have a close relationship. Whatever it is, I hope that I can plug my way through this without doing to much damage to my relationships with family and friends. I know it has been touch and go so far. Hopefully they will all hang on and be there on the other side.

In the mean time, I have a daughter who needs a dress. I will have to "put on my big girl pants" as I like to say and make it happen for her. That is the one thing about motherhood, you have to put you aside sometimes and look at the bigger picture. Someday I want my daughters to remember that I was there when they needed me. Even in the dress hunting trenches and the basement sleepovers, I took one for the team!

Day 25 The Perfect Mom Project

At the middle school Parent Club meeting last week the principal made a comment that has stuck with me. I can not remember the exact phrase, but it went something like this.

You have to start somewhere to get anywhere.

I liked the phrase because it has been my personal mantra for most of my life. I have always been someone who is not afraid to go for it. I think that my willingness to keep moving forward has been an advantage in everything that has happened to me through the years.

When we moved into the house we own twelve years ago, I was thrilled! It was the nicest home I had ever owned and I was looking forward to raising my girls in what I consider a great neighborhood. I love it here to this day. Some wonderful things have happened here.

At one point a few months after moving in my neighbor mentioned she was going to start walking to get in shape. I asked her if she would mind some company, since I was struggling to get off the weight from having my girls. We have been walking ever since. 3 miles 4 days a week for the last 12 years. Not only was this a great way to get in shape, it was the chance to get to know my neighbor. We have been great friends ever since. While walking we have solved problems with our kids and husbands, planned trips and laughed. It has been one of the greatest "starts" I have ever made. As the years have gone on we have added another neighbor to our workout and now she too is a very important part of our lives.

Stepping out into my life and making things happen is the the best example to my kids that I am only as good as I make myself. In recent years I have been involved in many things in my girls schools. I have worked in parent groups and volunteered my help with many things and have always come away with a new friend.

A few years ago, I became part of a group at the middle school we lovingly called The Newsletter Moms. The last Thursday of each month during the school year we would get together in a conference room near the school office. While we were there folding and stuffing the newsletter, we would be laughing and talking and sometimes even crying. Here again another successful "start". Even though the newsletter is now emailed and we are no longer needed, we still consider ourselves The Newsletter Moms and we get together for lunch, dinner and even coffee. We can not all be there every time, but it is always just enough of us for a great conversation and a lot of laughing!

I could not be the Mom I am today without the friends that I have in my life. These great women have been a wonderful example to me. I have learned more about what a "good mom" truly is from watching these Moms in action! I have told my husband that each of my friends has pieces of the Mom I would want for myself. Since everyday is a new beginning I get the opportunity to "start" again today, I wonder where I will go from here?

Day 24 The Perfect Mom Project

Well, the beasts have been sated with a car full of food. It is amazing what a little food can do to bring harmony into the home. Perhaps I will keep this whole grocery shopping thing up. Today there was no end to the choices for breakfast and lunch. However, I did forget to warn my family that it is Wednesday, and that is Every Man for Himself Day at our house. They will all be responsible for using up leftovers, or creating their own meals. So there may be some food complaints later this evening. In the mean time I will bask in the glow of my success.

I also went to my first open house of the week at the middle school last night. Usually Mark comes with me and keeps me entertained, but he was unable to join me last night, so I was on my own. My daughter is in 8th grade, so not as many parents showed up for this event. I think by 8th grade most parents figure they know the ropes and just keep the evening open! I only saw a couple of familiar faces.

For whatever reason I was extremely tired and being at open house only made it worse. Maybe it was grocery shopping, since I am out of practice. Maybe I pulled some sort of mental muscle making the list and locating the items. I did try to gather as much information as possible about the classes Avery is in so that I could back up the teachers if I needed to.

Aly left here this morning happy and excited about her day at school and Avery is upstairs singing as she prepares to leave for school. These are the mornings that make me a happy Mom! Tonight is soccer practice, which Mark will handle (thank goodness)since he is coach, and the final open house of the week at the high school, which will be my job. I think I might just make it through this week in one piece. I am prepared for anything though. As Aly was leaving I was double checking with her about the time I would need to pick her up from her friends house she is visiting after school today. "5 o'clock right?" I said. "Yeah, I guess unless I call you with a different time."was her reply. Can everyone say TAXI!

Day 23 The Perfect Mom Project

One of the important tasks for any Mom, but especially for a "good" or "perfect" mom, is the school lunch. Providing all the ingredients for your children's lunches can be a very strategic process. Yesterday morning as I was slowly waking, listening to the pretty music on the radio, I panicked. I suddenly realized we were out of bread. Here it is Monday morning, and I have no bread for lunches, real nice! It took me a minute, because at one point I thought that I had just dreamed we were out of bread. I was able to confirm that it was not a dream when I asked my husband. Shoot!

Well, as I have stated more then once I have a great husband! After he was dressed for work he ran up to the grocery store and picked up some bread for the girls lunches, along with some pretzels and jelly. Perhaps he is bucking for my job? The other possibility is he took one look at me as I climbed out of bed and did not want to frighten anyone that early in the morning.

Aly began making her lunch while Mark was gone and decided to have cheese and crackers, along with a granola bar and I am not sure what else. She expressed her desire to have something else in her lunch and I suggested Cheez Its. She replied "That is cheese over load Mom". OK, if you people are going to be picky, we are going to go nowhere fast! Besides, I do not think there is really cheese in Cheez Its.

The problem is that most times no one tells me we are out of something I discover it on my own or I hear about it as the older daughter grabs the last of something before the younger daughter can get her hands on it. I expressed to Aly yesterday that as shocking as it is I do not have mental telepathy, so if you are just thinking we are out of something, I probably will not get the message. Honestly, I have really fallen off the grocery shopping wagon. During the summer it was not as big a deal, now I have the girls brain cells to worry about, breakfast being the most important meal of the day and all. I really need to get back at it or my Mothering Licence could be revoked.

Don't get me wrong, we have food here, but according to the kids, it is not good food. They are looking for all the quick "throw it in a bag and run " kind of food, and everything I have takes some work. The other issue is that when I do buy what they consider "good" food, they wolf it down in 24 hrs and I am back to square one. I have asked them to put their suggestions on a shopping list I have going, and I hope that I can get out there today and restock the cupboards. In the mean time I have to get in the kitchen and whip up some oatmeal for my youngest, since I was just informed we are out of cereal. AARRGGHHH!

Day 22 The Perfect Mom Project

It has only been a week, but I am still not in the swing of this whole school thing. I miss how quiet my house was in the morning during the summer. I also miss not having something going on every day. This week is packed.

Mark is coaching Avery's team in soccer this year, and that starts Wednesday. There will be practices every Wednesday, with games every Saturday and some Thursday evenings, for 8 weeks. I have never been a very good Soccer Mom. I just do not enjoy sitting in the freezing cold, or the rain. I do not understand the game which makes it even less interesting. The best part for me is when I know one of the moms that is there for a game. Then I have what Mark calls "a little friend to play with". The upside is that with Mark as coach I do not have to run back and forth to the practices. I know it sounds selfish, but trust me when my girls were in dance I was driving them a lot farther and sat a lot longer waiting for their little tutu's to be done!

We also have an Open House on Tuesday night at the middle school and one at the high school Wednesday night. The Open Houses are a necessary evil. I really do not like going, but I do like seeing who the girls have for a teacher, it helps me understand what the girls are talking about when they have a problem with a teacher. Sometimes you can just tell at Open House what the teacher is like. Sometimes the girls will complain about a teacher and I know from meeting the teacher that it is more the girls problem then it is the teacher. Other times just meeting the teacher you know that they had better do their work and stay under the radar as best as they can. Good things to know in the parenting jungle!

Mainly it is a drag to be on the go every evening. I find myself already fantasizing about Friday night and it is only Monday morning. I am sure with everything we have to do, the week will speed by and I will not be the worse for wear, but looking at it up front it seems like Mount Everest! So I will go pack my survival gear and prepare for the week ahead.

Day 21 The Perfect Mom Project

I have now been writing this blog for 21 days. Wow, 21 days can you believe it? Mark has told me that at Dale Carnegie he learned it takes 21 days to make a habit. I definitely have a habit. If I am not able to write first thing in the morning I am very frustrated! This morning was a little slow due to the anniversary celebrating we did yesterday. Great day though, I just love my guy!

Anyway, back to the purpose of this blog, my kids. A weird thing happened on Friday morning. I was downstairs writing and asked Avery (who was upstairs eating breakfast) if she would feed Roxanne our dog. Once Roxanne was done eating I went upstairs to take her for a quick walk. Avery was finishing up breakfast and we chatted for a minute. I figured I would get Roxanne out before Avery had to leave for school and then I would wish her a good day and see her off. I know sounds sweet doesn't it?

Roxanne was delighted to be out and kept walking farther and farther from the house, and I was getting aggravated, because I wanted to get home to Avery. I finally dragged the dog back home and came in the back door. Right away I noticed that Avery's cereal bowl was off the table and the lights were out. That's weird, where is Avery? I started calling downstairs and down the hall. I went to her room and opened the door and I checked the downstairs bathroom. I was starting to panic. Where could she be? In order for her to get to the bus she has to go down the street I was just on. I ran out the back door and looked down the street. I ran to the back yard and looked towards the bus stop that she walks to. Nothing, now, I am really worried!

How could someone come in here and take her without me even seeing, oh my God!! As a last resort, I jumped in my car and raced to the bus stop to see if she was there, and there she was. What the heck? She came running over to the car, "Mom, before you say anything, I looked everywhere for you, I called downstairs and I even looked outside. I was afraid I was going to miss the bus!" At that point I did not care what happened, I was just happy I found her. We figured out that while I was coming in the back door she was walking down the front sidewalk. So about the time she was out of sight I was calling for her. Phew, what a relief. I was so happy to have my baby back!!

This incident reminded me of years ago when we took all our girls to Disney world for Halloween. We were so excited, because we were going to trick or treat on Halloween in the Magic Kingdom, what fun!! Ashleigh was dressed like Minnie Mouse and Aly was dressed like Pooh Bear. Avery had on the cutest dragon costume! As we were walking around the Magic Kingdom we found a place where you could meet the characters and get thier autograph. That sounded like fun to the kids, so we got in line. The way it worked was that they would open the doors to this room and let a small group in at a time. When it came to our turn we were so excited. I wanted Aly to have her picture taken with Pooh Bear in the worst way, I could not wait.

As things settled down from the previous group leaving and our group coming in I began to pose with the characters. Of course, along with the cute photos of the kids I wanted some of me too! That is when Mark said to me, "Ragen wheres Aly"? I had no idea where she was! Well at this point the Disney staff was on it! They started radioing people and locking down the area. Well, as some of you might know, whenever you leave a Disney ride, exhibit or anything, you have to go through a store, so we ran out the exit doors hoping to find her. And there was our little Pooh, roaming around the store shopping, she was 3 years old and already into retail! She had walked out with the group that was ahead of us when the door had opened and did not even realize we were not with her. Another, PHEW occasion!

I do not consider myself an over protective mother, but when things like this happen I become so overwhelmed. The thought of anything happening to my children is too much to even consider. My Great Aunt who is 91, lost her only child who was in her 50's about 3 years ago. She has told me that some days she can barely take the pain. I can not even imagine what that must be like. I can only guess from the little moments of panic that I have felt that the pain is beyond words. My heart breaks for her. I thank God that I am able to hug my girls and kiss them and even be annoyed by them. How lucky am I? Real Lucky!

Day 20 The Perfect Mom Project

Today is my 17th wedding anniversary. Believe it or not that is the longest I have ever lived with anyone except my oldest daughter Ashleigh. The fact that Mark has been able to hang in there this long, gives me a little confidence that maybe I'm not to bad to live with. Having a loving and supportive husband like Mark helps me to be a good Mom to my girls.

When we first met I was dating someone else. It was not someone that I thought of as a "keeper", so when Mark and I met I immediately knew he was the man for me. We joke about it now, but after our second meeting, he hugged me goodbye and said "Try not to miss me too much!". I was horrified, did he know I liked him? How did he know? I figured he had bigger fish to fry and would not have any interest in me. I was wrong. Later after I told him this story he laughed and said he had a habit back then of always saying that when he was leaving. Real funny, freak a poor girl out why don't you!

With Mark in my life I have the unconditional love that I never had before. Mark is truly my soul mate. There are times when I will think something and turn to him to tell him and he will already be saying it to me. We are fortunate that we can talk about almost anything. His sense of humor continues to keep us laughing. Actually his humor was one of the reasons I fell in love with him. I do not think I ever have laughed as much as I do now with Mark, however I know that Mark would be the first to tell you that his sense of humor does get on my nerves sometimes. Our girls have also developed a great sense of humor and I believe it is because we do laugh so much at home.

My husband has gone to marriage weekends, Marriage book studies, and getaway weekends trying to keep our relationship strong. I can not imagine my life without him. With Mark's love I have been able to accomplish things that I never thought I would. One of the most important things is my children. I have a true gift in the chance to mother these spirits.

My love for Mark continues to grow and I hope as we celebrate today that we can enjoy spending time together, laughing and talking. Perhaps we will cook together which is something else we like to do. I know no matter what we will have a great day. The best part is that we will have many more of those days to follow. Happy Anniversary Mark, I love you!

Day 19 The Perfect Mom Project

With any project you have details that you must attend to so that at the end you have a finished product. Since Mothering perfection is my product, I feel it necessary to attend the parent meetings at my children's school and I also like to attend all of the other events that they have to support the schools. By participating I feel that not only do I know what is happening in the school and helping make the school a better place, I am also letting my children know that school is important. It does not hurt that I am then comfortable speaking to the different teachers and administrators at each school and they are also comfortable enough with me to share openly about my children. It is a win, win situation.

Yesterday was the first Parent club meeting at my daughter Avery's middle school. The first meeting is usually fun, because you see Moms that you have not seen all summer and you can spend a little time catching up with them. I like to think of it as networking, because you never know when you might have to ask advice about, (or recruit some help for) a school event, or even just meet someone that you can eventually become good friends with, which is my favorite part. Beside the socializing, I enjoy the meetings because we are able to learn quite a bit about what is going on at the school and in the district.

As I sat there at the meeting chatting with a friend and sipping a cup of coffee, the meeting began. I found myself not as focused as I normally am. I am not sure if it was being tired or if it was that this was my fifth and final year of the beginning of the year speech that the principal gives. Regardless, my mind was wondering. In my fog I thought I heard my name, and then I realize that the principal has just asked me to do something. Great, my cover was blown now this entire room full of Moms knew that I was not paying attention. So with what little pride I had left I looked at him and said "What did you want me to do? I was not paying attention". He then asked me to start off the group by saying my name and the name of my child and what grade they were in. To top things off a little later my cell phone rang. I am apparently not quite ready to go back to school!

I am hoping that this lack luster attitude is just temporary and not a symptom of a bigger issue. Hopefully, I am not slowly going to the dark side of uncaring indifference. I am not sure if I would do well there. Being a perfect mom would allude me if I start down that path and then where would I be? Perhaps a year of writing about what it is like to be on the dark side. Hhhhmmn...I will have to think about this.

Day 18 The Perfect Mom Project

As I sit here this morning I hear the voices of my girls flowing down the stairs. They do not sound like they are getting along, so I think I will cower here for a little while. They are both at an interesting age...THE TEEN YEARS. There are days that they will argue about the stupidest things. This morning I think it is about a comb.

Last night I asked them to take care of their chore of emptying the trash cans upstairs and taking it outside (This is a once a week task, and I always have to remind them to do it). They split up the rooms and emptied the cans. I had been downstairs for some reason and when I came up, there was the kitchen trash can full of all the trash just sitting in the middle of the kitchen. HHHMMMN? So I asked "Um, can someone please take care of the trash?", and their response was "we did". We then got into a discussion about the trash needing to go outside, just like every other week. Seriously, how old are you people?

My youngest Avery decided to take out the trash, but then she came in and balked at my request that she put a fresh trash bag in the can. She felt she had done her share and that Aly should do that part. Oh, for peat's sake! A simple task that seems to cause so much trouble. Sometimes, I wonder if they cook this stuff up so that I become disgusted and do it myself. The thing is I am on to them, I know what they are up to and I will not give in.

I stumbled on the show "Supernanny" the other day and watched as she showed the family a point system that would include rewards at various plateaus. I am seriously thinking about trying that on these two. Perhaps it would at least be more motivating and chores would get done with enthusiasm. I am sure that you are chuckling to yourself as you read this, thinking I am a fool, but any port in a storm! My biggest problem with things like this reward system is actually remembering and sticking with it.

I think my chart will have things on it like, 3 points if you do something without arguing, 2 points if you do the trash without being reminded. I will probably give 15 or 20 points if they don't argue all day (I know, good luck with that one!). First, I will have to remember to make the chart and then I will have to remember to actually use it. I don't know, maybe I will think about this a little more, I am not sure I want to work that hard.

Over all they are great kids, its just that I would like a little less feedback when I ask them to do things around the house. Jeez, you would think sometimes that I asked them to run out in front of a car. I am going to mull over this whole chart idea, the crazy thing just might work, but what I really need to work are my kids! Here goes another day in the mothering jungle, wish me luck!

Day 17 The Perfect Mom Project

The other morning at about 2:00 AM my dog decided she needed to go outside. I was beat, and was not thrilled at the idea of prancing around my yard with the dog. However, nature was calling and I must answer. I got up and headed to the back door with Roxanne (now you are probably singing the Sting song in your head, right?). I was putting her leash on her and preparing to head out when I remembered that I had removed my pajama bottoms earlier, because I was hot. I stood there for a good two minutes trying to decide if I could get her out for natures call and back inside without anyone seeing me. The fact that I had to think about it or even considered going out without my bottoms has made me remember last winter when I had another decision to make.

It was a cold winter morning. Another icy day in a string of icy days. We had more snow then we could remember having in a very long time. I was busy doing my normal morning Mom routine of yelling out reminders to Avery as she prepared for school. Things like "Got your home work?", "Brush your teeth." and my favorite, "YOU BETTER HURRY!". All this while I sipped on my coffee in my bathrobe and slippers. AAHHH this is the life.

Since it was cold and icy out I told Avery I would drive her up to the bus stop. This one thing wins me more brownie points. The best part is that not only do I get a special "Thanks Mom, I love you" I also get some one on one time with my daughter. I ran to my room and threw on a pair of sweatpants, grabbed my coat and threw on a little rubber slip on shoe. Off we went. I brought my coffee so I could continue my relaxing morning while I visited with my daughter at the bus stop. The bus soon came and she was on her way. I turned the car around and headed home.

As I walked in the door of the house and was popping off my shoes, I see her lunch sitting on the kitchen counter. All those reminders and I had missed one, "Don't forget your lunch!". My mind started racing, how could I get this lunch to her without having to go up to the school? I had an idea, I would jump back in the car and run to the next bus stop and ask one of her friends to give it to her. Off I went.

My husband had taken my four wheel drive car to work that day, since I had plans to take my 91 year old Aunt out to lunch. She has a hard time getting in and out of my big car. So I jumped in his little car and sped off. I was so proud of myself, smug actually. I am so clever. I headed to what I knew was the last stop on the route, planning to drop her lunch with a neighbor girl. I drove down our road towards the last stop in the sub. As I got closer I realized I would have to go up a very steep hill, not a problem.

I cruised on up to the top of the hill. The neighbor girl was not there, great, now what? I will just turn around and find another stop. I hit the gas planning to turn the corner and head to the next stop down the road. Now I was desperate! The tires on the car started spinning but the car was going no where. Darn it! OK, I think to myself, I will just back down the hill. I put the car in reverse and started backing down. I probably forgot to mention that white snow does not offer a great visual when you are backing up. I drove sideways and bumped into a snow pile. At this point I am a little nervous, I kept thinking, I have no purse, no cell phone, I am in my robe and slippers, not good. I pull forward and make another attempt at backing down the hill. This time I slid right into the ditch on the side of the road "poof" gently landing in a huge pile of snow.

And there I sat, staring out the window. Now what! I decided that the only course of action was to get out of the car and run to the house at the top of the hill for help. I was hoping their daughter would be getting ready to get on the bus and she could give Avery her lunch and I could get help too. I knock on the door, dressed like a desperate housewife (not the pretty TV kind), and the Dad opens the door. "Is Natalie here?" I ask. He responds "Ah no, she is on the bus, she gets on the bus first now." Of course she does, I am thinking. Well, I explain to him what has happened and he offers to help me and heads off to get his coat and boots (what a good idea!). In the mean time I hear the bus heading down the road. I yelled "I'll be right back!" and headed towards the end of their driveway hoping to flag down the bus and finally get rid of the stupid lunch! Waving my arms frantically the bus driver sees me and stops.

I was delighted one of my ideas had worked. I did not care that I was in my slippers and robe and coat in the middle of the road, I just wanted to get this lunch to Avery and move on! The bus driver surprisingly did not bat an eye as she took the lunch and passed it back. I told the driver to let Avery know that this was the last time I was bringing her lunch to her! And that was it, she had her lunch and they drove off leaving me standing at the end of the driveway wondering how in the heck I was going to get back home. Fortunately my neighbor gave me a ride home so that I could call a tow truck and have the car pulled from the ditch.

Avery now knows that I will never bring her lunch to her ever again, and plans ahead most days. While I looked like an idiot for my antics on the one hand, you have to admit I was a really good Mom that day, not letting anything stand in my way of getting my daughter"s lunch to her. So, I am not really sure why I had to think about whether or not I should get my pajama bottoms on. I am pretty sure that would have been the beginning of another great story.

Day 16 The Perfect Mom Project

Since yesterday I have done some thinking about yesterdays blog post. It does seem as though I still have some anger towards my Mom. I just feel I missed so much. Our relationship never grew up. Even when my Mom became ill with Alzheimer's disease, and cancer I struggled with how to be there for her. She might not have been a great Mom, but she was my mom and I did not want her to feel she was alone or abandoned by me. Ironic isn't it?

Honestly, I gave her as much time as I could, when she was sick, but I was never compelled to go above and beyond that. I have no regrets about that. I spent time with her before she died, and since she lived in Louisiana, it was difficult to get there very often. Sadly, I was not there when she passed, but I think in a way that was best for both of us. My Mom kind of knew who I was when I would visit, but I am not 100% sure she knew I was her daughter. That is how I felt most of my life with her. I was never sure if she knew who I was, and if she had not given birth to me, I think she would have questioned if I was her own flesh and blood.

Now, here I am in the throws of motherhood, hoping that I can change the course of family dysfunction in a single bound. Putting on my cape and throwing down the gauntlet, to fight the foe of dysfunctional mothering. This is no easy task I have taken on. There is much to do and three young womens lives could be made or broken depending on how I handle this situation. One thing is for sure, I have the drive and determination to see my task through to the end. I also have the support of my trusty sidekick Mark (my husband), which is invaluable to me. I think this might just work out well, I have a good feeling about the task ahead. However, today is the first day of our school year, so wish me luck!

Day 15 The Perfect Mom Project

My Mom was a single mother, she was divorced from my father when I was about 11 months old. My relationship with my Mom through out my childhood and adolescents was very volatile. I had so much pent up anger and hostility that I would react with extremes about almost everything. At the age of 14, my Mom put me in a adolescent program in New York that was to help me deal with my "issues" and make me a better person. She thought that this was the last shot she had at helping a very troubled person. It was the only real effort that she ever made. I actually lived apart from my Mom until I was about 20 and then I lived with her for only a couple of years...not happily I will add.

Being sent away at 14 only made me feel even worse about myself. I had no self esteem anyway,(thanks in part to acne and having moved about 20 times since I was born) and I never really felt like my Mom loved me. This act that she felt was to help me actually made things worse. I have struggled most of my life with getting too close with people, because they will leave me or decide I am not good enough anymore. I do have more self esteem now then when I was 14, but that has been years in the making. I have pushed myself to try new things, so that I could push out my boundaries and find things that I am good at. I really do not remember being told I was good at anything as a child or having the opportunity to try things.

My Mom was not a nurturing person, I can only guess that that was because my Grandma was not and that was probably because my Great Grandmother was not. Even as an adult she really never called me or invited me shopping, we were not friends. I do not think I was someone she liked very much. I am sure she loved me the best she could, and I know later in her life she had regrets about our relationship, but we never really talked about it, which I am sorry for. I think that might have brought both of us some peace.

I bring these things up today, because I hope it will explain my constant analyses of my mothering style. Once I had my first daughter I was determined to be different. I have never considered myself a particularly good mother, I have however thought about being a good mom a lot! Now that I am in the throws of the teen years with my last two daughters, I feel them shaking my family tree. There is a lot of emotions that I feel everyday when I recognise things in them or myself that remind me of my relationship with my Mom. Some days it is just the pure frustration I once felt trying to talk to my Mom. This is a topic for tomorrow, in the mean time I think I will go hug my girls, I think we all need it!

Day 14 The Perfect Mom Project

One thing that I truly believe is that you can not be a good wife or mother unless you take care of yourself. You may have heard the old saying "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"! I see this play out at my house a lot. If I am aggravated about something, even if it has nothing to do with my family, the tension and stress will telegraph down to my family. I really do think it is important to care for you as well as your family.

I know as a Mom there is a temptation to put our kids above everything else. I think that for some it is a way to show that they are a "good mom". The truth is that once our kids get out into the real world, no one else is going to care for their every wish or desire. That will be their job. Perhaps a little disappointment now and then is not a bad thing. The other side of this is that just because you take time for yourself, does not mean your family has to suffer.

A breakfast or dinner out with a friend can be a great way to remind yourself you are not just a Mom, but a person too. Sometimes doing something you love, for example exercising or in my case writing, can help you become a better mom. Having that time to reconnect with a friend or do something you enjoy helps you maintain who you are. One day the kids are on their own and you are wondering..."What do I like to do"?, or even "Who is this guy next to me in bed"? I think making time for yourself and your husband also helps make you a good Mom.

Being a Mom should not have to mean giving up who you are. Just because I gave birth to children does not make me a lesser being. If I model that to my children, then that is what they will become too. I want my girls to grow up knowing it is OK to take time for themselves. I also want them to know that their children will be the best, most frustrating, thing they will ever do. If occasionally taking a few hours to recharge, helps keep the "Momma ain't happy" juices from flowing, I am all for it. Whatever it takes to propel us through another day of working towards being "The Perfect Mom"!

Day 13 The Perfect Mom Project

It is 10 hours later then I normally post, and I have to apologize. I am as frustrated as you are that I was not posted at 8:00 AM. My oldest daughter was up and ready to walk with me this morning at 7:30 AM and I could not let the chance pass to spend that time with her. It was great to walk and talk with my daughter Ashleigh.

Last night was a little tough. I am constantly questioning my parenting style, and last night really put me to the test. My daughter Aly came home from a bonfire with a bunch of friends, (thanks to Scott and Ashleigh for picking her up for me!). Once she had told me a little about her evening she immediately disappeared. I figured out she was on the computer I told her to get off the computer and go to bed. That is when things took a turn for the worse.

Apparently once you leave a party location you must get home to the computer to continue talking to all the people you just left. I was stunting her socially AGAIN! Well, you know what I am pretty much past caring. I have done an awful lot to get her in the loop both financially and physically, so if I want her out of the loop, that is where she will be. So, after a few snotty words on both sides I asked her for her phone. Oh boy, that was a tough one. Aly actually took it pretty well, I think she knew that she had pushed the envelope.

My point about this is more that I was just winging it. I have no idea whether that was the right thing to do or not, it just made the most sense at the time. Maybe in the big picture there was something else I could have done, but in my picture at 11:15 PM that was the only way to go. I have declared to my children more then once that I do not claim to be an expert at this, but I am all they have, and they best just learn to make do. However, if the truth be told, I am always insecure about putting my foot down, and stunting them for life.

In the end, I spoke with Aly this morning about what happened and she asked me very nicely for her phone back. OK, why not, she did go almost 10 hours with out her phone, I don't want to be cruel!! Let's be realistic, I did want her to be in the loop, didn't I? This whole mothering thing is not for the weak, that's for sure!!

Day 12 The Perfect Mom Project

I may have created a monster. I am not sure , but I see some of the signs. Ever since my middle child Aly has gotten her new phone she has it strapped to her side 24 hours a day. I really took it to heart when she said no one calls on the phone anymore, they only text or facebook each other. I thought that we should bring her up to speed socially. All I can say is she is definitely up to speed! She is probably at light speed socially now. She has been busier this last week then she has been her whole life. I am amazed.

When she first presented her argument for a phone I thought it was a bunch of bologna. But she has really proven her point in a very short amount of time. Yesterday, we all went up to the Peach Festival carnival. I found myself texting Aly and my oldest Ashleigh who was on her way to visit us. Things like, "Where r u?", "I have ur jacket", "Where is Avery?" her response to this was "idk". That took me a minute, I do not have the texting short cuts down yet, but it means, I don't know. Someone I was standing with at the time told me they thought I was doing a lot of texting and not much socializing. Pretty ironic, since the whole reason my daughter has a phone now, was to get her into the social loop, and here I am being antisocial, who knew.

The other thing that I thought of yesterday was how texting will affect how people communicate with each other in the future, and also how this will affect every one's writing skills. I mentioned my concerns to Aly, but she did not seem too worried about it. However, she may not have understood what I was saying, because I used all the vowels and consonants in each word. One thing is for sure, I am able to keep in touch with her now too. I am also feeling pretty good about staying up on the newest technical gizmo's. I just think that if I do not stay up with what is out there I will become the loser mom that "doesn't get it". Since I am working towards perfection I think that is probably not the way to go. So today maybe I will study up on my texting...bfn (Bye for now).

Day 11 The Perfect Mom Project

Today is the beginning of Peach Festival. In our town this is IT! The most important thing to my kids is that the carnival starts this afternoon. Everyone that is anyone, goes to the carnival on Thursday night. A local paper offers a Thursday only coupon each year for $3 off the "ride all the rides all day" wristband. Our family has jokingly called it Towny Night. This is where you go to hang out and see people you have not seen all summer. It is a lot of fun. Of course this year my husband and I will be keeping our distance, since both girls are now teenagers we are to wait in the beer tent for them. Darn!

Here is the thing, the girls have planned every minute of everyday. It is like watching them plan a military take over. No stone is left unturned while they try to squeeze every last bit of summer out of the next 5 days. By the time school starts they will be exhausted and so will I! Yesterday afternoon I realized that my jaw was bothering me. I thought,"what the heck is the matter" and then it hit me. I had been clinching my teeth all day. Because not only are we entertaining friends and family over the weekend and driving the kids everywhere, my husband is putting in this huge drain system in our backyard. Our daughter Ashleigh and Son-in-law Scott are coming in to town to help my husband and a good friend of ours has also offered to help too.

So I think my husband will have his hands full. You know what that means, my taxi is back in service. I just need the girls to write out exactly who needs to be where and when. I have all of their plans in my head whipped up like scramble eggs. Somehow, I think this is going to be a very expensive weekend. Not only because of all the activites and projects, but because this weekend is 5 days long...phew. My plan is to make sure that everyone makes it through the weekend in one piece ( me included). I am also hoping that at some point this weekend one of my wonderful girls will turn to me and say, "Mom, thanks for driving us everywhere". Wish us luck!

Day 10 The Perfect Mom Project

I am an only child. When I was 23 years old my Mom married a man with 3 teenage girls, so that is the closest to having siblings that I have ever been. My first experience with sibling issues was when my oldest daughter Ashleigh was 12 years old and my middle daughter Aly was 2 years old. Ashleigh was pushing a cart for me through a store and Aly was swinging her legs back and forth and kicking Ashleigh. Let's just say Ashleigh did not take it well. She started yelling at Aly and snapping at me. I looked at her and said " She is 2, you are 12!" Thinking that would be the end of it. Not so much, I have been learning about siblings ever since.

My husband Mark has three sisters and a brother. When we met he would always tell me how wonderful it was to come from a big family and how when we were married he would like a big family. I use to think that one was the perfect number, but he convinced me that we needed more. So, here I was in the middle of the store learning the other side of siblings, the side that Mark had not mentioned as he was lulling me into having more children...THE FIGHTING!

I remember sitting at the dinner table one night when my kids were younger feeling like a complete failure because my children were fighting. I was so disappointed in myself for having a dysfunctional family. I felt like I had really messed up and they were going to be scared for life, because of the mean things they said to each other. A "good mom" would not have children that behaved like this. Where had I gone wrong? Happily I have learned from other Moms who have several children and even from friends that have siblings, that kids generally do not skip along singing Kum By Ya all day, everyday. I have also learned that siblings can be some of the most aggravating people you will encounter in your life time.

Yesterday, I listened as Aly was busy making sure Avery was doing her chores properly. She kept asking her questions like "Did you dust here, or how about here?" I could here the hostility in Avery's voice as she responded. "Yes Aly, I did, you are not my Mom!" A few minutes later Avery came into the living room and was telling me how angry she was with Aly for bossing her around all the time. I told her that she might as well let it go, because that is what big sisters do, (not that I would know).

I just figure that at some point you have to just let them work it out on there own. I get tired of being the referee, it never goes well, I am always the bad guy to one or the other of my children. If they are going to storm out of the room or yell at somebody I would rather be the safe place to fall and not the one trying to figure out what happened and making a ruling on it. If I had wanted to be a judge I would have gone to Law school. I am better off sticking to being a Mom and stumbling through this maze without the complication of being the bad guy. The upside is that the girls all get along pretty well most of the time. I have seen them do amazing and wonderful things for each other, so I know they do love each other. It is just that every so often when things heat up around here, I have to remind myself that this is normal and to make myself scarce until it all dies down. Is that what a "good Mom" does? I am not sure, but it works for me.

Day 9 The Perfect Mom Project

Today I have included a video from YouTube. It is a video of the song "The Reason" by Hoobastank. I have heard this song many times and have always really liked it. One day last week, as I heard this song I realized it described how I felt as a Mom. Just the beginning alone. "I'm not a perfect person" reminds me that each day we try our best at raising our kids. I just do not think that as a child you realize your parents are really just people.

Honestly, this song pretty much describes how I feel most days with my family. The things I do, the reason I do those things is all about them. There really are very few moments in any given day that are just about me. There are things I do with my kids (actually my husband too!) I wish I could take back, things I never meant to do. Each day is an opportunity to start over new, and these beautiful beings are the reason I keep trying.

I guess in away this is my declaration that I am not perfect, and the possibility to become perfect is limited. However I am determined to explore every inch of motherhood, I just wanted to make sure I put all my cards on the table. I do not want you to think that I have delusions that I will actually become perfect at the end of this year. What I plan is that by the end of the year I will at least have my journey somewhat documented. Perhaps young mothers starting out will be able to see that as Mom's we are always works in progress. Mistakes are made and we work through them. So here I go off to another day of motherhood belly flops, wish me luck!