Day 156 The Perfect Mom Project

There we were once again in the middle of the shoe store

arguing about…
you guessed it, shoes!

As Avery climbed in the car yesterday after her first day of the new semester at school, she informed me that her new gym class required that she bring tennis shoes to school. Since we are already struggling with the fact that she basically has no shoes that fit (and she does not EVER see shoes that she likes when we shop for shoes), I was a little on edge about what might happen next. I suggested that since we were already out, we should run to a local discount shoe store to see what they had.

Upon arrival we began our ritual of me pointing out possibilities and Avery shooting them down. After a few minutes she settled on a pair that we had purchased in the past and she tried them on. At first I was thinking “Phew, that was easy!”, and then I realized that these perfectly good $25.00 tennis shoes would go to school the next day and sit in her gym locker. We would be back to where we had started; Avery would still have no shoes. I encouraged her to look around for possibly another pair of shoes. The store was offering a buy one get one half off special and I figured we should take advantage of it; of course there were no other shoes that met with her approval.

I started trying to negotiate with her and reason with her and even brow beat her a little, hoping she would at least reconsider looking thorough the shoes one more time, but nothing worked. Finally I told her that we would have to come back tomorrow and I would bring Aly so that she could choose a pair of shoes, because I did not want to miss this opportunity to get another pair of shoes for half off. It made perfect sense when the thought was rolling around in my head, but when it came out of my mouth, I realized that my idea of bringing Aly back with us did not help me either, Avery still would not have shoes and Aly (whose feet have stopped growing) would then virtually be on her way to a shoe collection.

The sales lady, who had been working in the next row, stepped around the corner and very quietly offered to hold the tennis shoes for us. I am pretty sure she was hoping we would get the heck out of her store. I think that our shoe negotiations were making her very uncomfortable. So we handed her our shoes, she put our name on them and we left, shoeless! I was still screaming in my head as we climbed in the car and that is when Avery turned to me and said, “I hate middle school!” I just looked at her and said “What?” “What are you talking about?” It turns out that Avery is so worried about buying the “wrong shoes” and not fitting in that she is paralyzed when we shop. She knows her style and what she would like to buy, but she also does not want to make a choice that will throw her into the lower part of the middle school food chain. On top of that, up until recently, being the youngest she is has been the bottom rung for hand-me-downs. Now, however she has larger feet then her older sisters and longer legs too. So her shoe and clothing port is shutting down. Not only is she not getting hand-me-downs any more, she has nothing that really fits other then a few items we have purchased recently. Avery feels like a “giagandoor” (her word) and a misfit.

I have asked Avery to find a way to make her not so great tennis shoes work until this weekend, that way we can go out looking for some shoes that she likes and that fit. We will also have more time to look around and find shoes that perhaps will pass through the middle school “cool detector” without a problem. I am still trying to get this parenting thing figured out. My oldest children will tell you that I never cared if they looked “cool”, but that is not true. I have always cared about the cool factor with them too. But my older girls were always a more average/petite size; Avery has my long legs and larger feet. This trait works fine for me now, but it was a huge pain when I was growing up too.

Perhaps I am just relating to her struggle, but what ever it is, she has my attention and I intend to get this shoe thing under control. I cannot take watching her squeeze her feet into these little black boots anymore, and besides she is not allowed to wear them for gym, so I am going to take this little crack in the shoe door and run with it! Wish me luck!!