Day 133 The Perfect Mom Project

I realized on New Years day that I was actually happy. I was making little jokes and laughing and even somewhat relaxed. I kept wondering to myself “Hmn…what is going on, why am I so happy?” I had nothing, it was New Years day, but that was about it, nothing really had changed. Why would I be so happy? Then it hit me. The holidays were over!


All I can come up with is that I was so stressed about the holidays that once they were over I was just plain glad! It started with Thanksgiving and the trip down south to Dysfunctionville. As a family we have decided that that was the worst trip we have ever taken. The highlight of that trip was the 17 hour drive both ways. We will probably think of that trip every Thanksgiving from here on out, and when it is time to pray we will be thankful we did not have to go back to New Orleans.

My next stress was that was we had to tell Aunt Nina that she could not go home from the nursing home until after the holidays. She actually took it well at the time, but has flung it in our faces at every turn and then she became down right mean two minutes after Christmas. Her idea of after the holidays was after Christmas, ours was in the New Year. She has made it clear she wants to go home, and I feel like someone watching a sitcom where the person (Aunt Nina) is talking and all kinds of people are standing behind her waving their hands and shaking their heads. “No, don’t let her go home!” “She has to have full time care.” “No, you cannot let this happen!” “What are you going to do?”

In the middle of all of this, we decided again this year that we would stay home on Christmas day. I know I mentioned it before, but it is the best thing for our family right now. It was a nice day and we were happy with our decision. The part that was hard was that we were hurting Mark’s family. They hold Christmas day as their special time with their family and it hurts them that we do not come over to share this day with them.

We also have the fact that my Dad continues to fight his Cancer and that he married a woman 6 months after my Mom died. I am still shaking my head, thinking “What?” I am not sure how you ever regroup from that. The topper had to be that my Mom was gone, Christmas was so special to her and I was really aware of her being gone as I did little things that reminded me of her. I am spending a lot of my time getting to know her now. Through writing each day and looking through pictures I am starting to get to know her in a new way. There are days when I have a revelation and I see her differently, or with a better understanding. I probably will never understand all the choices she made with me, because I never could think like her with my own girls, but I think that my Mom’s place in my heart is a little tenderer then it used to be.

We will finish putting the Christmas decorations away today and get ready to jump head first into 2010 tomorrow morning. We will be running at top speed once again as we go back to work, and school. I will be able to take off my Fun Coordinator hat and put back on my Taxi cap! Of course once I am back at it, I am sure I will think differently. Isn’t it interesting how your perspective changes depending on your circumstances? I am so happy!