Day 141 The Perfect Mom Project

Yesterday, I remembered that when I was little, my Mom had taken me to a restaurant called Stouffers for my birthday. I am not sure how many times we did this for my birthday, but I am sure that it was more then once. I also remember all the fuss that was made. I found a photo that shows me with a corsage and my hair curled, wearing a fancy dress. My Mom is dressed up to. I remember going to Stouffer’s for dinner and they would always bring me a yummy birthday treat and a small gift. In my mind I can see the little pearl necklace that I received one year.


As I remembered all of these things, I remembered how special I felt on those days. I know that I was a difficult child for my Mom, but somehow on these occasions, I was a “good girl” and felt especially loved. Perhaps, that is why I always have such high expectations on my birthdays and holidays. When I was a child I became a VIP on these days and it felt wonderful. I would suddenly be pulled from the “bad girl” section and be thrust forward into the light of the “good girls”. I loved that feeling of being special and “good”. It would never last long; I would always do something to ruin my new standing as a good girl. I was a very mouthy little child that did not feel safe or important. I am sure now, looking back that it was just my way of trying to get attention, but I know it was very hard on my Mom.

I have three children and each one is different, but they all have had a shot at doing or saying something hurtful. I cannot imagine loving them any less, or treating them any differently because of that. I am starting to realize that my Mom did the best she could with the knowledge she had about parenting. I know my Grandma was not the best example of good parenting either. I also know that my Mom was always her own first priority. I will never know for sure why my childhood played out the way it did, but I do know that I am working hard not to repeat the past. I do stumble here and there and say or do things with my girls that I wish I could take back, but over all I work hard not to make these mistakes.

I hope that when my girls look back they will see that they were important every single day. I love the holidays and birthdays, but I also love all seven days of the week with my girls. Each one brings a laugh bubbling out of me or a tear to my eye by just being the wonderful people that they are. I want them to remember the special times, but more important I want them to remember the less important moments when we were sitting on the deck talking, or shopping or even just watching a movie together, because these are the threads that will weave the important moments into our memories and they will be the most important in the end.