Day 150 The Perfect Mom Project

I had a great conversation with Avery yesterday. She has been avoiding shopping for items that she desperately needs and I had reached my limit. She is wearing fashion boots that are too small for her and she does not want to shop for new ones. It is so bad it is bordering on the old Japanese tradition of foot binding. She has also grown out of her winter coat and when I suggested last week that she wear her nice dress coat instead she told me that “No one wears coats like that at school Mom!” I know that she is right, but since she will not shop, I do not know what choice we have! I called her as I was out shopping with Ashleigh the other day (she refused to come along) to tell her that I saw a coat I thought she would like, and she told me I should buy it. I told her I was not going to do it because it would be enabling her and I refuse to do that anymore. It is one thing to pick up something here and there, it is quite another when you to do all the shopping without your daughter participating.


As we sat in the car talking yesterday afternoon, things came to a head. Avery shared with me that she has a hard time shopping when Aly is with us. They are different types of shoppers and the two styles do not always mesh. She also helped me see that my style of harping on the fact that she will not shop makes her want to shop even less. It is actually quite shocking to me that I have a daughter that does not like to shop! How could this happen? It is my all time favorite thing to go out and poke through all the clearance racks and find an awesome deal on a spectacular item! How could anyone not like doing that?

I think what I really heard the most as she talked with me yesterday is that she wants to shop with just me, but on her terms. She does not like it that I have her try on things she does not take an instant like to on the hanger. I did share with her the success we have had doing that, but she still felt strongly about my pushing things my way. I also heard that my little girl isn’t so little anymore and she knows who she is, and she wants me to know her that way too.

I gave her an assignment as we sat in the car, I asked her to cut out pictures of looks that she likes and items she would wear, so I can get to know her style better. She has actually embraced the idea and last night she ran with my idea and took it up a couple of notches and she is now creating a power point with her ideas in it. I look forward to seeing it. I think it will be exciting to see what she likes and what her style is. I look forward to helping her create the girl she wants to be. I will just have to be aware that this is not always going to be the style I would choose for my “baby girl”, but it is the style that my daughter that is “trying to grow up” wants for herself. This is where my good and perfect mothering skills will need to kick in, because I know this will not be easy!