I was doing pretty well yesterday morning. I was happy to be home and I was also glad that the whole trip was behind me. I am not sure what happened, but about mid afternoon I had an anxiety attack. I had already promised Avery I would go to the movies with her, so I did that, but when I got home, I was not right in the head.
I am suddenly feeling stress about this garbage all over again. I am living on the edge of my nerves and I do not like the feeling. Everything is bugging me. This must be some kind of post traumatic stress disorder. I keep worrying that after I left on Saturday, my family sat around down in New Orleans talking about me and saying mean things. I also worry that I will not be able to get more of my Mom's things from the house before The Girlfriend gets rid of them. She already has put everything in a room and shut the door. What happens if my Dad gets really weak and she decides to put him in a room and shut the door?
I have to focus! I have laundry to do, food to shop for and children to transport today. I do not have time to play As The Family Turns right now. I hope that I can make a detour and readjust my thinking so that I can get on with my day. It is so hard not to get caught up in all of this and want to fix it. The truth is, this is not something I can control, and the sooner I release that fantasy the better off I will be.
It surprises me how much destruction one person can do to so many. It also amazes me that the person causing the destruction stands in the middle of it surveys the damage and instead of seeing destruction, sees something good. I think that is what stumps me the most. A while back one of my sisters was telling me that this all reminded her of when our parents got together. It was the same situation. My Dad was newly divorced, hooked up with my Mom and although the girls said they were not ready for it, they married anyway, causing one sister to run away and the other two to struggle to grow up within a home that they were no longer comfortable or happy in. My sisters response to my outrage and frustration about all of the current events was "Welcome to the family, now you know how we felt!" Yep, I sure do!!
Over all I know that in the next few days I will get back into my life and focus on my kids and husband. I just hope that it happens sooner rather then later. I want to feel the holiday spirit that is all around me. I want to enjoy my family time and my alone time with out some random frustrating angry thought floating through. I want to adjust my thinking and detour back to focusing on what matters the most...my family here at home.
No comments:
Post a Comment