I have been thinking about who I am lately. It sounds so odd to say that, but after talking with a friend the other day, I realized that I needed to reflect a little on where I came from and how I got here.
You see when I was about 30 years old, a friend and I were comparing notes about how many times we had moved so far, in our lives. By the age of 30, I had already moved 28 times. Within those moves, I went to three different elementary schools, and three different middle schools. After my Mom sent me away at 14, I only went to one high school in Salt Lake City, Utah. Even while I was in Salt Lake, I moved 6 times in four years. It is fair to say, I have moved a lot.
I started life in Olive Branch, Mississippi. This is where my Mom and birth Father lived at the time. I have never actually spoken to my birth Father. I do not even have a memory of our time with my birth Father. I know my Mom left him when I was about 11 Months old, and moved us home to my Grandparents house. I never had any relationship with him, after that. I only have a few pictures of him. One of them shows him holding my hand when I was a little baby. I know that we are related, because I have those same long legs that he has in the picture. I have passed those long legs on to Avery. She is the only one of my children that was fortunate to receive this gift. Most people generally think I am taller then I am because of my long legs.
As I look at this picture I wonder if my life would have been different had I known my birth Father. How would my life have been different if I had not moved so much? Recently, I heard someone speaking about conflict, and their idea of it intrigued me. What I took away from his theory is basically this. Conflict and challenges in your life propel you forward. They mold and change who you are. People that have a calm and conflict free life tend not to be as fulfilled as people that have faced and moved through the conflicts and challenges in their lives.
So maybe, as I consider who I am and how I got here, I should also think about how fortunate I am that my life had all of these twists and turns. Perhaps my long legs are not the only gift I received from my parents. Perhaps, I am a more compassionate person because of the life I have lead. It is even possible that I am more comfortable with new ideas and and changes in my life, because of the challenges I have already had. It really is hard to say.
All I know is that I do not plan to move my girls 28 times or even 1 more time. I encourage them to try new things and handle the issues that come up for themselves if possible. I have no desire for my children to lead the life that I did at their age, and if that will stunt them later in life then I will cross that bridge with them at that time. I just want them to know that I love the three of them very much and that without my girls, I would not be half the person I am today. Being a Mom and helping my children grow, has helped me grow too. With all that in mind, I still cannot help but look at this picture of me with my birth Father and wonder, what if.....
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