Day 218 The Perfect Mom Project

Last night I received a very kind email from a dear friend. She shared with me that she had been reading my blogs lately and she could sense my stress and frustration. She said some very encouraging words and then she told me about an enlightening revelation that she had that very day when she read about Wabi sabi. Wabi sabi is Japanese and the idea is that imperfections are a very important part of the overall picture in life and in art.

 Here is a portion of what she wrote to me;
"I'm going to repeat a few of the lines that explain things. It originates in Japan and is said to describe the beauty to be found in imperfection. Wabi Sabi recognizes that all of life is in a constant state of change and that decay is as much a part of life as growth. The concept originated in 16th century Japan with a tea ceremony, a ritual that provided a way to step out of the chaos of daily life and reconnect with that which was simple and tranquil. It is said that Japanese artists will often leave subtle fractures in the glaze of a vase or a rough surface on a bowl as a reminder of the wabi sabi nature of life."


"There was a paragraph that hit me after reading your last week or so of entries. It says Wabi sabi doesn't mean settling for less than you deserve, and it doesn't mean you shouldn't work to improve your situation. Instead it's about balance and contentment rather than striving for the unattainable. It encourages us to accept our own flaws as well. I know that my moments of joy will pass, but so will my pains and sorrows. I will try to live them, learn their lessons and let them go."


Her comments went straight to my heart. It was like I had received this very special gift and each word was another piece of tissue I was pulling open until I got to the inner gift. That is, that I am OK just as I am. I can only be what I am now, and if I see that it's not working for me I can work towards enlightened change, as long as I understand that sometimes the imperfections are a part of the beauty.


I am blessed to have been handed a kind reminder from a dear friend that it is OK to not always be on your game. That sometimes the misstep or problem is the better part of the journey. As I look back over many of the journeys in my life I see that. If it had not been for my failed first marriage, I would not have my beautiful daughter Ashleigh, and I would not know how to pick myself up and dust myself off, and move on. If my Mom had not sent me away from home at the young age of 14, I would not be the person I am today. It was a difficult time in my life, but it opened up the world to me, and that would have never happened if I had stayed at home. If I did not mess up with my girls from time to time, I would not have the opportunity to apologize to them and open my heart for them to see who I really am.

 I am an imperfect person, who loves life and people. I look for the fun in everything I do and I sometimes become trapped in frustration over wanting to please so many and not being able too. Some call me friend, some call daughter, some call me niece and some call me wife or mom, but whoever they are they all need to know that I do try and with this new perspective of Wabi sabi, I think that just might have to be good enough. Thanks, Kim