Day 205 The Perfect Mom Project

At 4:00AM I decided that it is best that I get up and write all of yesterday out of my head. I remember when the girls were younger and in elementary school, they did a balloon launch, where they sent a message out with the schools address attached to a balloon. Each day they would get letters from people who had recovered those balloons. In the mornings when I sit down to write it is like I am filling a balloon full of my life to release out into the world.

 How could a day that started so innocently suddenly turn so fast? You might recall that yesterday I had no real agenda, except for getting Avery healthy. With one ring of the phone mid morning, my day made a dramatic turn.

 Mark worked from home yesterday so that he would be here when our new cable and internet company came to wire our house. Many times when we have had workman here for something they will show me how things work and what to do next and when I relay the information to Mark, it is like the information has been run through a blender. Mark will end up staring at me with a blank look. This time my bright idea (thanks to a friend) was to ask him to be here to get the information first hand. I have to say, it was a darn good idea! Having him here when the phone rang was a big help too.

 The first call was from my great Aunt's nursing home. The social worker was calling to give me a heads up that my aunt had informed them that she was going home if not now then tomorrow. Obviously, neither one is possible, but how do you change my Aunt's mind without crushing her spirit. I immediately came up with the idea that Mark could call her and talk my Aunt off the ledge. They have a great relationship and she trusts him, so maybe she would listen to him. I told the social worker we would give it a shot. When I told Mark my great idea, he gave me the "Great, thanks a lot" look, and made the call. My Aunt would have none of it, she was going home. To hear her talk, she can walk, and cook and do all the things she used to do just a few short years ago. She was going home and she was not going to have 24 hour care and that was that. Mark told her, he would talk with me and call her back later. In one flick of the wrist my trusty side kick had thrown me under the same bus I had tossed him under. That's the last time we talked to her yesterday, because we are so confused about what the heck to do. We do not want to take away her control, but she is not thinking rationally and we are getting to the point where we might have to intercede and make some tough decisions.

 As we sat trying to configure my laptop to accept and send email on our new internet connection last night the phone rang again. This time it was one of my sisters with an update on my Dad. He has decided to continue with Chemo. The doctor told him that it might buy him another six months. The doctor also recommended that if he went with the Chemo, he should start at 80% strength, but my Dad has decided to go with 100%. He was also told his heart is functioning at 65% capacity and there is a good chance that the Chemo could damage or possibly shut down his organs. All I could say to my sister was, "I don't understand". On the one hand, it is like watching a John Wayne movie, where he gets shot over and over and keeps getting up to fight the bad guys, and on the other hand you are in the audience bracing yourself thinking…don't get up, please don't get up, because it is so hard to watch. I just hung up the phone and looked at Mark, not knowing what to even say.

 That is when one of the balloons I released was returned with a very unexpected but welcome response. We had just finished setting up my email when I looked down and there was an email with a comment on one of my blog posts. When I looked at the name, I looked at Mark and said "Oh, MY GOD!" It was from one of my cousins that live out west. I have not seen or spoken to him in many years. His timing was perfect. In one swift and kind email he reminded me that there are people in my life that are pulling for me even when I cannot see them. That message was just what I needed at just the right time. Thank you Cousin, for being there even when you did not know I needed you.

 I step out into day two of my week, today. Avery will be back at school and I will be wrestling with my Great Aunt and what she has up her sleeve. Somehow I think I can do it, I have great back up, good family, good friends and another blog balloon going out into the world. I just love balloons!!