Aly was upset with me yesterday. She felt like I did not care that she was sick. I was also not showing her the proper amount of sympathy. I was told I was more concerned when Avery was sick. I really did not know what to say. Since I do not measure how much sympathy I give or how concerned I am, I will have to take her word for it. I always tell the girls that just because you do not agree, when someone has feelings about something their feelings matter. You cannot tell someone else how they feel. With that in mind, I spent yesterday trying to figure out how to help Aly understand that I do care. I even went so far as to tell her I will pick her up early from school if she needs me to.
Honestly, my favoritism varies. One week, I will be worrying about Ashleigh and the next week Avery and some weeks it is Aly and Ashleigh, or Avery and Aly. I have three kids; I am constantly worrying about somebody. The fact that I have been called out on how much I care and how I care is bugging me. How the heck do you prove you care? I have given Aly medicine, asked how she is feeling and encouraged Aly to drink plenty of fluids. Where in there did I mess up and become an unfeeling ogre? What was the final straw that flung me into the disgraced place I am now.
While I must honor Aly's feelings, because they are important, I am still struggling with how to turn the corner on this and either learn from it myself or help her to see that I am working hard to be the best mom I can to all of my children. I am getting a feeling that this perfect Mom status that I was so eagerly seeking just a few short months ago is still a ways off. There will be no magic wand waving and poof, I am perfect! This is work! I am also starting to think that being perfect looks good from the outside, but from the inside it is nothing but a big pain. I still have 154 days left to figure all this out, but I am getting a little nervous. Time seems to be moving ahead more quickly and I do not seem to be any more perfect then I was when this whole thing started. There is no use worrying about it right now; it will just slow me down. I am just going to have to work on my sympathy skills since that is what has been brought to my attention. Work, work, work!
No comments:
Post a Comment