Day 216 The Perfect Mom Project

My Great Aunt has a home filled with beautiful items from all over the world. My Aunt Nina and Uncle Ted collected these items throughout the years as they traveled together. Mark and I have been discussing lately how we will take care of all of these things for her. My aunt has two grandsons that are in their late teens that she plans to leave her estate to, but I am her executor. I have no idea how or where to begin to handle this process when the time comes. I just know that I would like to do it with as much knowledge as possible. It feels like it will be very overwhelming. Part of me wants to give the keys to her grandsons and say "Good luck!" and then hit the road, but I know it will not be that easy.

 Honestly, nothing feels like it will be easy these days. As we prepare to go on our family vacation that is coming up very soon, I worry about what will happen while I am gone. Will my Dad be OK? Will my Aunt be OK? Will I be OK? I just feel like I am playing that game of, Monkey-in-the-Middle. Can you guess who the monkey is? There is so much up in the air with both my Aunt and my Dad and feel like I am always jumping up trying to get a clear view of the answers for one 0r the other of them. I think it is very interesting that I am here in the middle.

 As for my Dad (as you might remember), he is determined to run our family into the ground before he goes, but at stake is an inheritance that was left to my mother many years ago. He stands lording over this kingdom that he says he built, and I laugh to myself because I know that his "kingdom" was built on the backs of my Grandparents. I also find it interesting to watch him play puppeteer with the family making promises and then refusing to honor them based on this very same kingdom. Nothing good has come from this money so far and I can only guess it is because it has only been used to serve his greed. I have told Mark that if possible when the time comes I would like to stay as far away from the vultures that will gather around for their "share". My Great Aunt Nina is always quick to tell me that the money was my Granddaddy's and I should fight for it, but I do not see it that way. All I see is the greed it brings out in people that have no idea how hard Granddaddy worked for it, and I just think it best that it is dissolved or better yet if my Dad's new wife is just as cursed by it as everyone else who has thought they deserved it.

 Aunt Nina is another story, she has so much stuff. Her house is filled with T&T (trinkets and trash). She has the same issue; she is not willing to share anything she has. She is holding on so tight, and I feel like if she gave just a little it would change her life. From time to time she will open her hand just a little and share with a friend, but for the most part, she acts like the queen of her own little kingdom. I suppose at 92 she is less likely to change, but I just think if she was willing to release some of what she has her load would feel lighter.

 Two people, too close to me, and I am in the middle. I cannot change either one, I can only watch and wait. In the mean time I am taking notes. I can see that living open handedly and sharing the gifts that God gives me and my family is the only way to really enjoy them. By holding the gifts close and piling them up I am only being greedy and there does not seem to be much reward or joy in that. Perhaps being in the middle in this case isn't so bad after all. I think the view from here is very clear.