Day 212 The Perfect Mom Project

I admit it; I have been avoiding my Great Aunt Nina! I know I need to go see her, but I am so aggravated I just cannot seem to let it go. There are times in my life with her that I feel like I am raising another child. She wants things her way and she wants them now. She has temper tantrums and she can be very mean when she does not get her way. On top of all that she does not seem the least bit appreciative. The lion's share of caring for my aunt is on Mark. He stops to see her on the way home from work once a week to take care of her bills, and most weeks he stops at her house and checks on things there. He does work near where she lives which makes it easier, but it is definitely above and beyond his call of duty!

 I know the only way to do this is to just jump into the car and go, because the more I think about it the more I put it off. When I visit I do not stay for very long, maybe ½ an hour to an hour. There is usually not a lot to talk about with her and she can be quite rude sometimes. There is also the issue right now about her wanting to go home, and I am not even going to discuss this with her. I guess if that is what she wants to do then by all means GO, but I will not be helping her! I will not put my stamp of approval on this crazy idea of a blind and partially deaf woman going home with only 2 to 3 hours of help 6 out of 7 days a week. If she wants my help with this suicide mission, she is going to be disappointed.

 The other issue is that emotionally I am feeling like a volley ball bouncing between my own life, my Dads life and my great Aunts life. I am in a constant state of evaluating something. I am certain that is why I am having a tough time sleeping at night. Just when I think I have something sorted out in my head another unrelated, but just as important issue pops up. Since there is no way to avoid any of it, it all just rolls around in my head, sometimes moving forward as a priority and then stepping back into the shadows of my brain. The hardest part of all of this for me is that both my Aunts issue and my Dads are similar, but different. My Aunt is 92 and just wants to die; my Dad is 63 and just wants to live. When this all sorts it's self out I will be without both of them. That just makes me sad. If that is not enough to motivate me to go see my aunt then I do not what is. It is time to but on my big girl pants and go to see my great aunt. I think I will cower here at home one more day though I need to build up my emotional armor first.