Day 213 The Perfect Mom Project

I was probably about 9 or 10 years old when I watched my Mom purchase an Indian sari and at the time she also purchased shoes that curled up at the toes, (I remember them as elf shoes) to wear with the sari. We were walking through a local mall and she was drawn to a table in the middle of the mall run by a merchant from India. I remember as she mulled over the fabric and made her choice she told me that instead of paying the phone bill which was overdue she was going to use the money to buy the sari and "elf" shoes. Even at my young age I remember thinking that was a bad idea and I remember the feeling of stress I had over her decision. Not surprising that shortly after that our phone was shut off.

First of all what was a 30 something white woman doing buying a sari? Second of all, why would she allow her phone to be shut off so that she could walk around in that get up? I still remember to this day her excitement at buying the fabric; she was so happy to have it and to make the sari. I also still remember being confused by her poor choice, and that feeling has stayed with me to this day. Now, as a Mom myself, I can only wonder over her selfishness. How do you become someone that only cares about your needs and desires? I honestly only remember her wearing the stupid thing once, and that is because I have a picture of us with her wearing it while we were visiting my Grandparents. Maybe we went to see them so we could ask them for money since we spent it all on the sari!
This story came back to me yesterday as I shopped with a friend and we came across some shoes that reminded me of the "elf" shoe that my Mom purchased many years ago. Also during our shopping trip yesterday, I received a call from one of my sisters telling me that my Dad had just gone back on a promise he had made to another one of my sisters. It is a long story, but essentially he had promised her and her husband a portion of profits from his company (that they have worked at with him for several years), and now he has changed his mind. He is going to keep all the money. This delights those of us up here (in the north) watching the whole thing because this sister sat smugly at our Thanksgiving meeting as we struggled with what my Dad was doing with my Moms trust and living will. She thought she had it made at the time, since she had this "deal" with my Dad. Now she is stuck realizing like the rest of us what a selfish man he really is. I am only assuming that the intent is to give all the money to his new wife.
I should say honestly that I feel badly for my blindsided sister. I know how all of us struggled with his crazy plans when this all started, we were hurt and shocked that he was showing more care and concern for this woman he had only known for a short time then he was for his own children. Now here she is having worked to help him build his company and he just yanks the rug out from under her for his benefit. This dying man does not seem to want to heal or unite his family before he goes; he is intent on tearing it apart instead. He has just bought his own version of a sari and "elf" shoes, and made it very clear that the only one that matters is him. Real nice, right?
I am grateful for these living lessons. They have helped me realize what is truly important, by showing me what selfishness and greed can do to a person. I hope that my own children will learn these life lessons a different way. I hope that by watching Mark and me they will learn that generosity and selflessness are important in your life. I hope that they will also learn and hopefully they already know that they are our greatest gifts to us. Our children continue to reflect back to us who we are and it is a beautiful gift. Nothing, not money, not clothes, not even "elf" shoes, nothing will ever have more value than our children; the gift that Mark and I gave ourselves! I only wish that my Dad would learn this lesson before it is too late, but odds are not good that that will happen, his time is short and he is way behind on this issue.