Day 42 The Perfect Mom Project

I received a one two punch the other day. I got a call from one of my Stepsisters letting me know that my Stepfather is believed to have lung cancer. They have not done the biopsy yet, but according to my Stepsister it does not look good at this point. While we discussed the information about my Stepfather she also shared with me that he had to postpone the wedding that he had planned for this weekend because of this discovery. I was not prepared for either piece of news.

I am still mourning my Mom and to hear that someone else in my life is dealing with a serious illness is overwhelming enough, but to also hear that the person that was my mother's spouse for over 25 years was remarrying really knocked me to the ground. So many things are going through my mind that it is hard to even make sense of any of it.

Since I do not like to put other peoples names in my blog because it is so public, I will not share my Stepsisters name, however I will say that she has worked hard to maintain a relationship with me. I know from the things that she has said to me that she truly considers me part of her family. The hard part is that I do not feel a part of the family. I do not know if it is because I was so much older when my Mom married her Dad, but I have always felt like an outsider. None of this matters right now, but it is an important part of my internal struggle with the information I have just received.

First and foremost I am very sad that my Stepfather is dealing with this right now. I am even more sad for my Stepsisters, I know how scary it is to wait for the information. I also know the struggle of being far from your parent and not being able to be there for them. You want so much to help them and take care of them, but your life and family are somewhere else. You can not be in two places at once. This is extremely painful and it is a constant pull on your heart.

I have known for sometime that my Stepfather was seeing someone. This woman is actually someone my Stepfather hired to care for my Mom while he was at work. He had told me he was seeing her after he had put my Mom in hospice care. I was not happy when he told me and I told him that. However, the relationship continued. I am sad for my Mom that she did not have 100 % of her life partners attention when she died. I have to assume that my Stepfather is one of those men that can not be alone. The hard part is that he is stomping all over his family as he tries to find what he thinks is happiness.

I cannot imagine being this other woman. How does she make all of this right in her heart? That is assuming that she does have a heart. She played footsies (and possibly more) with my Stepfather while my Mom was dieing only 5 months ago, so that alone makes me question her integrity. Now she is going to marry him? I feel like this is an episode of a new Fall drama.

Now comes the questions of the day. How can I be there for my Stepfather? I am still very angry with him for having this relationship, but the idea of cancer is bigger then that. How do I put this anger aside. How can I help my Stepsisters deal with all of this when I want to go punch this woman out? I cannot be the voice of calm and reason when I am thinking of violence. I am pretty sure that this woman has no idea the scorn and disgust she is going to be dealing with. If she is aware of it, and she is still willing to marry him then I am certain that she has ulterior motives.

I am going to pray for wisdom and guidance. I have no choice, this is something I must put in God's hands. I am not strong enough to resolve this on my own.