It was so nice having my oldest daughter Ashleigh here yesterday. We did a lot of talking yesterday about many of the things going on in our family right now. Things like my Dad and Great Aunt Nina and we also talked about Ashleigh's sisters Avery and Aly. Ashleigh shared with me that she thought Avery was getting quite sassy. She was really surprised at how snippy she would get with me at certain times. As we talked I explained to her that it was pretty normal for a thirteen year old to act that way. At thirteen, you are the only one that is ever right about anything and, DUH, your parents are idiots. I still have similar issues with Aly, but the frequency and intensity of these events is much less.
I also explained to Ashleigh that she was much different when she was that age, she really did not go through this phase until much later. She actually started into this the summer before college and continued through it until the middle of her sophomore year of college. I think it was because before Mark and I married, Ashleigh was an only child of a single Mom. I think she always felt she had to be "GOOD" to keep mom happy. She was always very protective of me. Once Mark and I married and he adopted here she still tried to be a good girl and not stir the pot. Trust me she had her moments , but the real adolescent phase, where your parents are clueless, never really set in until much later.
Ashleigh told me that once she got to college, she always felt like I was in her head. Anything that she wanted to do, she would stop and think about whether I would think it was OK. She went so far as to tell me that it was like she was always wearing an invisible bracelet that said WWMD, (What would mom do?). It drove her nuts, because she tried so hard to do the opposite of what I would suggest, and it would blow up in her face. She became frustrated, because horror of horrors, I was right. The best part is that when she would come home and talk to us and confess whatever it was that she had done, we would just look at her and say, "Wow, that is too bad, but we are sure you will straighten this out, you created the mess, so you will need to clean it up." No yelling, no big scene, just flat out, your on your own now. She told me she was shocked. She was so sure that we would yell at her, that she would be full of anxiety driving home.
We were not trying to ignore her troubles, but we felt like she needed to make mistakes just like her dad and I had. She had to look at who she was and where she was and stand in it on her own. We felt like it was the only way she would ever respect herself. If we had jumped in to rescue her from mistakes that she had made, what would we have taught her? There is a chance she would have never learned to stand on her own and take responsibility for her own actions.
There are moments in my life as a Mom I wish I could do over. There are times when Ashleigh and I have had discussions like we did yesterday, that I have told her I wish I had done one thing or another differently with her and the girls, but when she mentioned the idea of the WWMD bracelet, it really struck a chord with me. I realized that Mark and I had actually accomplished what we had set out to do. We had raised a wonderful, respectful, and reflective daughter. Someone that looks back at where she came from and is able to sort the good from the bad and loves her family unconditionally. I really think that that is more then even a perfect mom could ever hope for. I am even thinking about making a couple of bracelets for my younger girls, WWMD...hmn, it has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
No comments:
Post a Comment