My head is spinning. In the next few hours it will be decided whether my Stepsisters and I will drive down to be with my Dad (Stepfather) in New Orleans. He will learn today what his prognosis is and there is a feeling that it would be good to be there for him. My head is full of many things.
I want to be there for the girls (Stepsisters/sisters), this is a difficult time and there is already tension about some of the provisions that are being made in case of his death. I do not feel this is the time to get into any of that, but I also know that it is important to have everything worked out and understood. Mark told me last night that he wishes when people died that they had just spent their last penny. It would save a lot of struggles in families. I watched my Mom and Dad (Stepfather) fight over my Grandparents estate with my cousins and it was not pretty. I really saw the greedy side of my parents and I to this day think of the money as dirty.
I am also leaving my husband and children if we head down there. This is homecoming weekend and Aly and I have been working on getting her ready to go to the dance. We have a very pretty dress, which I spoke about a while back, and we did a test run on her hair last week. There is the rub. If I go, who will do her hair? Who will get teary eyed and tell her how pretty she looks? I want so much to be here for her, yet I know I must go.
I am also very concerned about some of the things that are coming up right now between the sisters. You see many years ago, probably about 12 years ago actually, My Stepfather adopted me. At the time it was touted as an emotional thing, but as time went on I realized it was about my parents will. They wanted everything to be fair and even between all of us. Well, all I can say to that is good luck! Already there are concerns and worries being discussed. I am very upset by it. This man even with all his flaws and poor choices does not deserve this right now! And on top of all that, what the heck am I? His child, or stepchild? The girls sister, or am I their stepsister. What part am I to play in this?
That is why with God's help I hope to go with them and work towards a calm resolution to as much of this as possible. This money cannot be allowed to tear apart another family. It is just stuff and it will never fill the whole that is left when he is gone. I know, because as you know, I am still trying to fill the very small hole that my Mom left behind for me.
Mostly, I want to make sure that all my bases are covered today, so that if it is decided that we are heading out to New Orleans, my family will be OK. I mean really, what will they do if the taxi driver, cook, cleaning lady and fashion coordinator are not around? And you know, looking back on this I realize that family is the most important part of this. Without them I do not know what I would do. Its not about stuff, and it is not about money, it is about the people we love and the time we spend with them.
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