It is Sunday morning. The house is quiet, but my mind is is not. I cannot seem to stop thinking these days. We are still waiting to hear a final prognosis on my Dad (Stepfather) and that is whirling around in my mind.
My 92 year old Great Aunt is at the nursing home annoyed, because we have told her that she cannot go home right now. We want to wait and see what is happening with my Dad (Stepfather) first. If things look good on his end, then we will be more able to deal with my blind and deaf Aunt roaming around her house. We had hoped that she would decide to stay at the nursing home on her own, but she kept doing the decision push off onto us.
I knew at the time, that if she made the decision on her own she would have to live with it, and I was trying to keep my mouth shut so that she would have the responsibility for what was decided, but when everything came up about my Dad (Stepfather), we did not think we could handle her being home and worrying about what was going on there too. Now she is resentful. I knew this would happen, but it was unavoidable.
Here I am trying to be a good wife, mother, Great niece and daughter, with all those balls in the air, one is going to drop every so often. Even today I am letting my oldest daughter Ashleigh down. We had planned for a couple of months that we were going to run a 5K race together today with our husbands and Ashleigh's best friend and her husband. It was all planned, we were all training and getting excited...BAM! My life starts careening out of control with family stuff and I bale on her. I just could not bring myself to drive the two hours to the race, and the two hours home. Honestly, I am having a tough time just being around people right now. I feel like I need to be in a cocoon. I have told Ashleigh that her dad and I will still run the race at home today, but I know it is not the same and that she is hurt and disappointed.
I am sure if you did a survey today, many of my friends and family are feeling hurt and disappointed. There are things that I had told my youngest children that we would do, and now I am having to revamp that as well. Mark, is getting the fall out too. He gets to hear me wonder everyday what I should do next in this incredible saga. Any shot at romance and time together, turns into me thinking and becoming frustrated.
I am so worried about doing the wrong thing, and saying the wrong thing. Should I go to New Orleans or shouldn't I? If I do go to New Orleans how do I handle myself with Dad's (Stepfather) girlfriend/home wrecker? Should we let my Great Aunt go home or not? Do we have enough money or not? Am I going crazy or not? All I can do right now is wonder. There is a good chance that all this will not matter soon, because I am certain that I will be hauled away to the funny farm!
I am hoping that a good long prayer today will help sort some of this out. I can only assume that all this is on my plate, because I have not given some of it up to God yet. I will give prayer a try. I am really no where near perfect right now, I hope that my family will keep me around anyway.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment