Day 286 The Perfect Mom Project

A couple of days ago I received a box of photos shipped to me from New Orleans. I am assuming they were pictures that were in my sister's freezer there. After hurricane Katrina wiped out the first floor of my parent's home, my Dad and sister stored the photos in her freezer to protect them from becoming any more moldy or decomposed. I am assuming all of this, because there was no note, just the photos all moldy and some stuck together. It was hard to look at them.

 Beyond the memories that the photos stirred up again, I am feeling that the further I stay away from the impending drama that will likely unfold (from the emotional and physical mess my Dad left behind) the better. My sisters are all at odds. They are all hurt and sad and angry. They are blaming one sister or another for these feelings, when the real blame belongs to my Dad who created the mess. Nothing any of us do now will change the emotionally charged course he has set. There have been moments when I have wondered and worried how all of this will play out and what I should do, and then I just decided for my own well being I must do nothing. I cannot jump in the fray with my sisters. As I look in on this story as it unfolds I realize that there is no safe side. Once the mud starts to fling everyone is fair game and I have been through enough. I could not handle another year or more of fighting over this mess that was created.

 I will always have my sadness and doubt about my Dads integrity. I will always wonder what he was thinking when he started down the path that has brought all of us to this point. No mudslinging or legal battles will change that. I will need to just stand out of the way and let my life take the course that God has planned for me. This last year has taken a toll on me physically. It has been one ailment after another, and now I am trying to recover from whatever my stomach is doing. I cannot take any more stress. It seems silly that a box of pictures could bring up so much doesn't it? I just feel like I want to move forward and I keep getting pulled back. I am waiting to hear from my sister that brought a truck of our stuff home when she moved her son (who had been working for my Dad) and his wife back home. Those items will ignite another firestorm of memories.

 For now, I sit quietly listening to the birds singing, the clock ticking and my tummy rumbling. It is going to be a good day. It's Avery's last soccer game of the season, plus she is headed to a birthday party with some girlfriends for a boy from school. I am sure Aly will have something cooked up after her overnight last night with her best friend. Aly told me yesterday she had so much fun last weekend that she feels like summer has started all ready. Whoa Nellie girlfriend, we have another week of exams to get through, don't shut down yet! I have my work cut out for me keeping my kids focused this week. I do not have the energy or time for anything else. So maybe just knowing that, I am back on track for becoming a perfect mom? Nah, probably not…