Day 183 The Perfect Mom Project

Snow Day!! The heavens have opened up and the snow is feathering down. This snow has made my day. I am not feeling to good and I am the carpool Mom this week, so I was not looking forward to getting out of my jammies to drive in this weather. I will have to dress at some point so that I can have my doctor check me out. I feel like I have an anvil on my chest with tiny little pins attached that randomly jab into me. Plus, my muscles are achy too. I have my own ideas about what it is, (as a mom it is our job to diagnose at a moment's notice) but I will let my doctor have the final say.

 I spent some time on Friday making my famous (just to my family) Chocolate chocolate cake. I make this cake from scratch and it is easy and delicious. I was excited to make this cake for my son-in-laws birthday celebration. That night Mark made his delicious Shrimp Gumbo, so that we would be all set to celebrate with Ashleigh and Scott when they arrived on Saturday night. We thought by making most of the dinner ahead, we would only have last minute things to do before they arrived. Sadly our plan failed, Scott and Ashleigh arrived about 20 minutes earlier than we expected and they caught us off guard. Ordinarily this would not be a big deal, but we were in the throes of gift wrapping and card signing and I panicked. Instead of the happy hugging smiling greeting at the door Ashleigh and Scott got "You guys are early!" "You were supposed to call when you were leaving!" I admit that it was not the most inviting greeting I could have offered. There were a few tense moments as Ashleigh offered to leave and come back later.

 I am not sure what is happening to me, but a year or two ago, that would not have happened. Of course the comments would have happened, because throwing my cards on the table has always been my way, but not being prepared for my company was not something that I normally would have done. I was always someone that would be pacing the floor wondering where my guests were. More and more, I find myself rushing to finish up before company comes or running late to get where I need to be. I am very curious what is going on inside of me that has flipped that switch. Honestly for the last year or so, my friends have become accustomed to my being late for everything. That is not something that I am proud of.

 There are times when I am late, because I think I can cram one more thing into the time I have. Many times it is a load of laundry or some other household task that I think I have time for and then I end up running round the house like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get ready and out the door. Perhaps it is just a mom thing, but right now it just feels like an "I do not have it together" thing. Whatever it is, I do not like it. The hard part is I did not like the neurotic, driven, over the top old me either. Somewhere inside of me I hope I can discover a more balanced self. I know there is one in here somewhere. In the mean time, I may have to fake it until I get it. Not today though, today I am having, I do not feel good couch day. Apparently, my doctor is having snow day too, so I will have to take it easy until my appointment tomorrow. So, I will just relax and enjoy some unexpected down time. No running around or planning allowed!