SURPRISE!! I am here at Ashleigh’s enjoying time with my daughter and some of my friends. Ashleigh and Mark had been planning and scheming for weeks. I was caught completely off guard all week; each day brought another fun surprise. Never in my life have I felt so special.
There was as I mentioned yesterday a bouquet from my Dad. My Dad also called to wish me a happy birthday. During my conversation with him, I could feel my heart turning. All of the anger and resentment was falling away. How do I continue to be angry with this man who despite everything (cancer, family issues, and random marriages) still remembers my birthday and lets me know he is thinking of me and cares about me? I felt like I was learning another lesson about unconditional love.
The main thing I am thinking is that love does not always come wrapped in the package that is the prettiest. Sometimes it is handed to you in a not so pretty brown sack. What I am learning is even though it is not packaged in a lovely way, it is still love. Sometimes love comes to you and you need to open your heart and let it in. My Dad is not ever going to change, and honestly odds are good I will not either. I am going to have to except the love that he is offering me on his terms and release the expectation that he will ever understand or care what I need from him.
I know that my Dad is very sick. I could hold tight to my expectations and remain angry and hurt, but what will that buy me? I will then have to live with myself having hurt this man as he tries to heal. I like the saying, life is short, in this case it reminds me that you just do not know how much time you have for anything, you might as well enjoy every moment and not hold tight to your hurt and anger. This weekend is also helping me realize that with an open heart you let in so much goodness and light. Then you reflect that out and it draws people to you.
I am reaping the reward of reflected light this weekend. I am sure that it is light that my friends have reflected as well as my own light, but whatever it is I feel the rays of friendship and I am happy. I will soak it up today, I will bask in the warmth and love as much as I can. I like the feeling of my heart blossoming and being open to letting my heart change. Is it possible that at 50 I am finally growing up? That would be another nice surprise!
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