What Has Happened to Me?

Yesterday as we were all preparing to head out the door for our visit to my oldest daughter Ashleigh's house, I found myself saying out loud "What has happened to me?" This typically type A over planned, place for everything, everything in its place woman was running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to get everything pulled together to leave. The whole time I was aggravated with myself. Let me repeat "WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?

I would like to think that this is a complication that was caused by the doctor visit rotation that I was performing this week, but the truth is this haphazard no organization or plan person has taken over my life and it is freaking me out. I want my old self back; I do not like the new self at all. Where did this come from and why? The other slice in this is that I also cannot seem to get anywhere on time anymore. I have taken to flying in by the seat of my pants everywhere that I go. I look at the clock and convince myself that I have five more minutes even when I don't.

Is it possible that all my years of Type A status have worn me down? I remember being the first person at every event and having every moment planned and lists made and now…What has happened to me? Is there some way to split this down the middle and be a little bit more type A without going back over the top? Could it be possible that I actually do not have the energy to be type A anymore? Whatever it is I am determined to fight back and get a little more on track then I have been. I no longer want to be the stressed out type A freak or the lazy laid back loser. I guess I just want to be on the ball without going over the edge and stressing myself (and others) out.

The thought of the day will be how to make these two polar opposites meet cohesively. I am tired of feeling like there is something wrong with me and I am also tired of beating myself up about it. I just want a little of my old self back tucked neatly into the new devil may care self. I realize that caution is necessary here; I could be singing the "Be careful what you wish for" tune in a few weeks. For now I will lighten up on the loose devil may care self just a little bit and try hard to court my type A back into my life. Perhaps in a few months I will be singing a familiar tune, what has happened to me?