Living a Dream

Christmas is over. The time of rushing to make dreams come true has ended. Still standing out in my mind this morning is the question I was asked last night by a friend of mine. "So Ragen, what are you doing these days?" That's a good question.

Over the last few weeks it has been in the back of my mind that I have stopped thinking about or even working towards anything on my dream board. I have lost track of myself. There is a small part of me that is uncomfortable with the whole dream board concept because it seems almost selfish. Maybe that is why I have not pursued more options for my dream board. That feeling of focusing on myself and what I want is foreign to me, it seems like I am always juggling what my family wants and needs. When I was caught by the, (what are you doing now?) question, I was unable to respond with anything other than, "Being a Mom". I had nothing to offer, with that short and sweet response, that portion of the conversation came to an uncomfortable halt. I could hear the screeching of tires and crashing sounds in my head.

Now today I sit pondering what to do with myself. Have I become delusional in my thinking that my family cannot make it without me being available to them 24/7? Is it possible I am kidding myself that they (my family) need me because I am too lazy to do something with myself? Why is it that NOTHING seems to sound good to me, not going to school, or getting a job, even volunteering does not seem to be a good fit.

Just a few short weeks ago I was explaining to my daughter Avery that I love what I do, being a Mom is what I think I was meant to be, but the question is looming out there and I need to be brave enough to answer it. What will I do when my Mom days are over? The other question I dare to ask myself is do I have a dream to live? These are good questions for the New Year ahead, I really do not want to be the reason a conversation comes to a quick end. I would like to share clever antidotes and delightful stories, not stare blankly like a deer in head lights when someone asks me…So, what are you doing now? I want to be able to respond "Living a Dream!"