A Critical Me

Wearing my A Beautiful Me t-shirt in front of
 Stonehenge on our trip to England. 

A couple of weeks ago I met my oldest daughter for breakfast. During our breakfast, I was sharing pictures of a recent trip and commenting on how unhappy I was with photos of myself. Each picture of me that she would look at, I would share an unflattering comment about myself. That’s when my daughter looked up, stared at me for a moment and said “Seriously Mom, you volunteer with A Beautiful Me and here you are putting yourself down!” then she said “You should trade in you’re A Beautiful Me t-shirt for one that says, A Critical Me!” At that point, realizing that she had busted me for improper self deprecation, I replied “Hmmmm, good idea, and on the back, it will say “I Can Do Better!”  Then we laughed at how ridiculous I was and enjoyed the rest of our visit together.

The thing is, I am critical of me. I am not one to ever think that I am good enough, pretty enough or smart enough. I find reasons to deflect compliments because I am uncomfortable excepting accolades when I obviously do not deserve them (in my opinion, anyway). I always believe “I can do better”. In some ways believing that I can do better is a great way to stay motivated. I keep working at fine tuning who I am and striving to be a beautiful me. The down side is that I continually raise my own bar and make it impossible to attain anything other than a less then favorable review. This is obviously not what is taught in the A Beautiful Me workshops.

Perhaps it would be wise to except that I am a work in progress. I am never going to be perfect, I would however at least like to get to a point where I can like myself and see what others see in me. Recently I asked some friends for feedback on how they see me and this is some of what they said:

Kind and compassionate

Not afraid of challenge

Enjoys celebrating

Values friendships and relationships

Enjoys life

Friendly

Brave

Open minded

Emotional

Creative

Funny

Thoughtful

Interesting that when people were asked to describe me they did not list anything about my crooked smile or my clothes or hair or even my perception that I have a little more flesh attached to my hips then I would like. My appearance was not who I was to my friends, it was my spirit, my inner person that radiated who I was to them.  In the end what is most beautiful has nothing to do with what you can see of yourself in a photo, what is most beautiful is who you are towards others and how you live your life.

I am still thinking of getting an A Critical Me t-shirt as a reminder to myself that I need to change my focus. I love and except so many people and yet I cannot do for myself what I do for everyone else. How can I truly love and except everyone else until I release myself from my own harsh judgment? Perhaps I can do better by accepting that I am more than just a body, I am a living breathing spirit that is filled with God’s love and he handpicked me to be just like I am. That is what makes every one of us A Beautiful Me.