Once Upon a Mattress

Yesterday I was taking to a young friend of mine who was recently married. I was sharing with her about our recent purchase of a mattress and how you are making a major commitment to this piece of furniture that you lie on for less than three minutes in the middle of a store. In that three minutes you have to decide if it will be comfortable for many years to come and if it is worth the price they are asking. Once your commitment to your mattress is complete you must learn to live with your decision.

It hit me as we chatted that in many ways this is how relationships turn into a marriage. You see many times we make life long choices but none affect us as much as our relationships. A mattress, an inanimate object is chosen and after only three minutes becomes a major part of our lives. We stand by it and go back to it every night even though sometimes it is not what we thought it would be. I know I have learned to live with a mattress, hanging in there with it even though it is not quite what I had hoped it would be.

Learning to live life with another person and adapting to how they live is tough. We spend time with this person, make decisions with this person and over time decide that we will marry and live life together, but at some point the person you married (or thought you married) stops being new and exciting. Their realness comes out…our realness comes out too, and we have to learn how to live life in a relationship that is different then we imagined it to be.

I know in my marriage I have learned that many of the things that drew me to my husband, now many times annoy the heck out of me. For example, when we were dating, my husband made me laugh. He was so funny…he still is funny, but now he seems to say funny things at times I believe are inappropriate. Other times I will explain to him how not everything needs a snappy funny comment. Same guy…nothing different here except that there is a little worn spot in this part of our lives. Actually, we have a few worn spots, nothing serious just places where we have had to learn to give a little…turn our relationship over and try it a different way. The giving doesn't always last and we sometimes go toe to toe but just like my mattress, I made a commitment.

It really is not as simple as I would like it to sound, but in the end, regardless of anything else once you invest in that mattress, put on the sheets and blankets and make it your own, do you really want to return it? Me either. It is the same with my marriage I have invested time and poured love and energy into our life together.  I have made the decision not to give up on our life together or exchange it, even though it is hard to say if my husband was never that funny or I have I lost my sense of humor. I am also learning to like my new mattress and I’m planning to keep it too, a big decision made in three minutes, once upon a mattress.