Something’s Got to Give!

Yesterday I watched a show on PBS called The Gifts of Imperfection the speaker's name was Brene' Brown. One of the things she shared was that women get caught in a web of unattainable expectations. Her feeling is that women feel the need to handle everything and that we tend to take the hit in our families and do it all rather then look like we are not perfect and do not have it all together. Most women are apparently genetically predisposed to trying to be perfect, or at the very least wanting to be perfect.

 I shiver as I write this because I am one of those women. I am not happy if I cannot juggle all the balls in the air and stand on one leg while I am spinning. I like to think I have evolved passed this, but I know the truth is that I have not. Currently in my life, my kitchen is being remodeled (Yes, still), my daughter is still trying to heal from her surgery, (something that the doctor warned us would take time) while preparing for a lead role in the school play and taking every bloody hard class they offer at the school (hmm, sounds like someone I know). In order to help her heal, I must clean the wound on her tail bone and rebandage it twice a day. In addition, Mark and I are hosting a 6 week bible study in our home one night a week and I just started working on a 5 year strategic planning committee for our school district which is a four month commitment. Included in that, I am still a wife and mother with a house to care for and children that although they are in high school still need my love and attention. Oh, and let us not forget that I still have Aunt Nina on my list to do.

 As I sat in the parent meeting at the high school yesterday, the principal mentioned that he needed help with the teacher appreciation lunch at the high school. I am sure he could sense my weakness as I sat considering whether or not I could help out. He smiled at me and my girlfriend and blinked his pleading eyes and just for a moment I thought "I can do it, I am sure I can" and then I blurted out "No, I am sorry, I just can't I have too many commitments" again I added "sorry". Then as he zeroed in on my friend she shared that she could not help because her car would not be able to hold all the food that would be transported. That's when I jumped in with "Oh, My car could hold it, I could do that" DUH, HELLO did you not just tell him no you knucklehead? Of course, I am sure my friend appreciated me dragging her under the bus I had thrown myself in front of. To make matters worse after the meeting I realized I will be out of town the week of the lunch and I cannot help anyway. I now owe my friend a huge apology for dragging her into this mess when she had no interest in the first place.

 Apparently Brene' Brown is correct, because as I write this today I feel the webbing of my life clinging to me like Saran Wrap. Something has to give and sadly it looks like it will be me. I am going to have to put myself first somewhere, I just do not have a clue when or where this will happen. Let's just say that I am not sitting neatly in the middle of this web, I am literally dangling from a thread!