Full Swing

The best way to handle a problem is to face it. That is why I have jumped into getting my Aunts estate in order. There is a lot to do besides getting her house tidied up. There are dozens of little details and the phone calls have begun. The process of my Aunts affairs is in full swing. The trick is to duck when that loaded swing comes back in my direction.

I know I can handle this, I am just anxious about handling it right. There are people in the trenches with me and there are people on the fringes and I am most worried about hurting all of them. I do not want anyone to think I do not care about them or their feelings about my Aunt. I think that this is just part of the process. You get at the details and pay a bunch of people to handle details that you cannot and then in what seems like minutes you are standing alone looking around wondering what just happened.

When this process is over I am worried about what I will do with myself. I know there will be something that comes up and each year that someone in my life has passed, I have thought about what I would do with myself now, and then something falls into the crack. I just have to step lightly and keep myself calm so that when the time comes I can relax a little. I know that all of the things that have happened in the last few years have been for a reason.

I was pondering this morning what my Aunt would have done without Mark and I there to help her. Within that pondering I also considered that I could have never lived with myself if I had not helped her. Everything that is happening or has happened continues to turn me into the person I am meant to be. I am and will always be the person that wants to help. I also do not intentionally hurt anyone and I look at everything from every angle to be sure I am on the right track. With that in my mind, I am standing up on my life's swing, holding on feeling the breeze and sun on my face. When I was a child my favorite poem was The Swing, somehow when I read it I could feel the freedom and joy that swinging brought. Even being in full swing I need to remember that. Up in the air I go flying again, up in the air and down…

The Swing

By Robert Louis Stevenson

HOW do you like to go up in a swing,
Up in the air so blue?
Oh, I do think it the pleasantest thing
Ever a child can do!
Up in the air and over the wall,
Till I can see so wide,
Rivers and trees and cattle and all
Over the countryside—
Till I look down on the garden green,
Down on the roof so brown—
Up in the air I go flying again,
Up in the air and down!