Fairness

I know that at this point in my life it is ridiculous to get upset about anything not being fair. I have more often than not been on the opposite side of fair and watched uncomfortably as fairness took a hike. I remember my Mom’s mantra that “Life’s not fair!” yet I still continue to have hope. In my mind that person smiling because although they do not deserve it fate has offered up a slice of fair suddenly realizes the mistake and says “Wait there has been a mistake!”Let’s face it that just does not happen.

 Currently I am watching as my youngest daughter battles the Not Fair Monster. While I am busy stomping around annoyed by the unfairness of it all, she is calm and decidedly not interesting in getting all worked up about something she cannot control. While I am proud of her adult like composure on the one hand, on the other hand I am aggravated. I want her to be mad and stick up for herself and her cause.

In this case, I am the one that will have to learn the lesson. Fairness is and always will be a moving target and no amount of discontent, hostility or foul language can change unfair into fair. I believe that my daughter with her calmness is modeling a better choice, but I still cannot help but get feisty when our conversation veers in the direction of the current unfair foe. To make matters worse rather than my daughter feeling vindicated by my angry fervor, she becomes angry with me…I am the combatant rather than the vindicator.

I would not be the Mom I want to be if I did not regard the unfairness as a slight to my daughter but somewhere she has learned grace under fire and I have to believe that in the end that is the wisest choice. While I am plotting and scheming how to make this right for her, my youngest has moved on and admonished me to “Let it go Mom!”

I am trying to balance between my own Mom’s mantra that “Life’s not fair” and Avery’s “Let it go Mom” which is no easy task. While my feeling that life is and never has been about fair but more about what is right and just, there is the wild cat Mom side of me that does not want to see my daughter unhappy. In the end regardless of what my feelings are she will have to find her way through this and I will have to keep my big overprotective mouth shut. I have said what I needed to say to her and I have taught her all I can. It is time now for me to stand beside her and honor her wishes by letting it go.