Waking Up in a New Place

The other day I realized that I have been waking up in a new mental place. After years of sadness, grief and anger over losing my Mom and all of the things that transpired when my Dad remarried twelve seconds later (exaggeration) and then died leaving his half of the family trust to his new wife, I have let the wintery mix of emotions go.

It was not a conscious release, which is probably best. I think the fact that the thoughts and feelings slowly dissipated is more healing then if I had suddenly thrown off the feeling like I would do with a blanket when I am too hot. Slowly over time, the feeling rose up and slowly and quietly left me in peace.

Having all the grief leave me, does not mean I am back to my old self, but it does mean that I can laugh a little more easily and seek a little more joy without feeling the ache of loss and the burn of sadness. It amazes me how people learn to adjust to what seems at the time an un-adjustable situation. In the middle of what feels like the worst place to be our hearts slowly start to turn.

I have longed for the feeling of optimism that once was a huge part of who I was, but as I have woken from the wintery emotional mix I have discovered that while I am still an optimistic person I am more cautious and less likely to except the feeling of discontent. I want nothing more than to pop the person with the bad attitude or malcontent in the nose or even better to tell them to snap out of it! I have no patience for anyone that makes everything in life hard work. Life is hard enough let’s just grab a shot at some joy when we have the chance.

While the ridiculous estate battle is still waging, we have turned a corner and hopefully we can move past it soon. However it is no longer pressing down on me as it once was. There will be no winners in this. There never really is when you are dealing with money and all of the emotion it brings up. This event is now just a moment in time…a blip on the screen. I have family and friends to spend time with and enjoy and no matter how overwhelming one day feels the next day I still wake up in a new place, a GREAT place. Time does heal all wounds, when we let it.