Perspectives

My husband, Mark, who rarely reads my blog, chose yesterday to stop by my website to take a peek. Yesterday afternoon, I received this text from him:
"BTW if your kids are happy with you all the time, you are the perfect friend, not the perfect parent…and guys know they aren't perfect well before they have kids; their wives remind them all the time."

 The portion of my blog post that offended him was this:
"I have to say, I am not recalling any instances where Dad's were clamoring to be the perfect Dad. What do they know that I do not? It does make me the slightest bit jealous that men can go about their lives with the only goal being to take care of them and perhaps find a wife to pick up the slack when they realize they cannot take care of themselves at all. Thinking about it they are essentially looking for someone to replace…you guessed…their mom."

 While I appreciate his insight about being a perfect parent not a perfect friend, I was taken aback by his comment that we women somehow continuously berate men. With his reaction began a storm of varying perspectives within me. I personally do not feel that I have spent a good portion of my married life beating down my husband. While I know that his comment was shared in a joking manner, I think that a part of him truly feels beaten down. I also got my panties in a twist that he felt that this was a continuing issue that beleaguers men.

My reason behind the feelings that I expressed are based on the phenomenon that I live in my home. I am the Stay-at-home mom, the driver of children, grocery shopper, referee, event planner, travel agent, laundress, and housekeeper. I will admit that my husband is willing and able to assist me upon request, but overall, there is an unwritten, nonverbal agreement that I am in charge of what happens here at home. When I wrote that men can just go on with their lives, I was thinking about all of the times I have packed and planned my girls, husband and I for a trip. This usually involves my grilling my children about what they have, what they are bringing and what they need in addition to finding out what Mark has, needs and is bringing. Fortunately the girls are old enough to plop it all in their own bag now and Mark does the same, but I know if I was not asking questions and making a plan, there would be girls wearing swimsuit bottoms as underwear and many other fashion don'ts.
 My goal in my marriage is not to be a nag and beat my man down, and I am sorry if my husband feels that way, generally within our relationship, I have truly felt that the woes of parenting are my burden to bear. My husband does not spend hours worrying about whether or not he is a good father or whether or not he should have said something to one of our children, he just parents how he parents and never looks back. I on the other hand (and if you are a regular reader you already know this) spend many hours beating the subject of mothering to death. Perhaps my husband actually has the right idea. Why spend so much time dwelling on this nonsense, just keep plugging away and eventually the kids will leave home and pay for therapy to fix their issues.

 Along With that, I should also mention to my husband, Mr. Funnypants, that if it was that bad, why is he still hanging around? I must be doing something right, maybe my charm is keeping him around. If nothing else at least we both have a good sense of humor and can realize that we may not see eye to eye, but in the end our different perspectives are what keep this relationship interesting.